You know how people say “Mommy of the Year” right before they tell you how they let their kids eat Cheetos for breakfast and watch Disney+ for hours? That’s what this feels like.
I am a mess. I’ve been struggling with anxiety hard this week- this YEAR, actually. If you’ve never had anxiety, it isn’t always what you think. I don’t “worry.” I’m not nervous. I just suddenly can’t breathe. I have a knot in my gut. Sometimes I also feel it mentally, mostly in the form of self doubt and feelings of inadequacy. I’ve shared before about the panic attacks and what a hard season this has been March to present. This has been easily the most challenging time of my 23 years teaching.
I’ve never felt so negative after presenting before as I did yesterday at my state world language conference, NILA. I continued attending sessions online as we drove to get a couch for Hannah from my sister’s 2 hours away, trying to occupy my thoughts. If you know me, you know it’s not like me to be so negative or let negative thoughts live in my mind, but somehow there they flooded in. I’m embarrassed to admit that as the words played in my head, I no longer could stop them from spilling out of my mouth “I’m a failure. Failure. Failure.”
Imagine my surprise finding out I was named NILA’s teacher of the year. I think shock is more the word. I was so humbled by the words of my nominator and the kind shout outs of my peers. I was not being humble when I accepted, I literally felt like the least of all present. I still do.
So I guess without going on and on (too late! 😂), I leave you with this: be kind. You never know how others are doing on the inside, what battles they are facing. I’ll say it again, BE KIND.
Thanks for reading ❤️
Celebrating around a fire with some of my favorite people ❤️
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