"Back on the wagon" update

So, 2 weeks ago I took the plunge and got back on Weight Watchers and almost immediately I felt relief. No more guilt or wondering whether I was eating too much, too little (ha!), out of control... I had structure and was freed.

This time, since it hasn't been that long that I was on Weight Watchers, I actually have been less obsessive about perfection. I have been eye-balling it for measurements, sharing things I had measured/counted out if someone else wanted some, you know, like a NORMAL PERSON instead of how I usually am in such situations.

Instead of making me more obsessed and focused on food, WW has helped free me from it and I've been focusing on living life- being with my family, running, church, school. And I feel so much better already, even though it's only been 2 weeks.

Oh, and I've already lost 6 lbs. I know that is a bit ridiculous, especially since that's only 8 lbs. from the absolute thinnest I ever got running 20-30 miles a week and living on watermelon lol. But, I'll take the gift and not focus on the scale. In fact, unlike the last time, I've ONLY weighed myself on my weigh-in dates (once a week). It is one small tool to keep me in check and make sure I'm not deluding myself if my other habits slack.

Thanks for all your encouragement!

Back on the wagon!

Well, it's been since really May of 2012 that I've been on Weight Watchers, but I just joined again. It was time. I have gained 13 lbs. from my smallest, which I don't think sounds terrible, but I've just been on a downhill slide since the beginning of the year. And I'm sick of it.

With my dad's heart surgery in January, my grandma's tumor and last year's school year, plus the preparations for the DR, I began to gain weight. I kept thinking once summer hit it would be like the year before where I just lost weight without trying. Didn't happen. In fact, I kept gaining.

My pants are all too tight. In fact, tonight I tried on one pair of jeans that I had from before I lost all the weight that were really too loose on me. Everyone I was close to said get rid of them, they were just way too loose and even unflattering, but I loved how they felt and kept them for lounging around. Well, they fit perfectly now, ugh. But it's not all about the clothes. I'm tired of always feeling bloated- I miss not feeling self-conscious about my love handles and tummy, not to mention thighs.

But these are all just outward signs of my lack of self-control. But really, my idol worship- food. I have never been able to just "watch it" to get back on track when it comes to eating/weight. I have to get extreme and do a sort of de-tox, to break the pull - stronghold is a better word.

I have felt closer to God than ever in my life, more in tune with His will, serving Him more than ever before. However, I am NOT immune to sin's pull, and it has snuck in stealthily to distract me and steal my joy. So even though it is money I keep telling myself is not wasted, I joined WW again. I will be accountable! I will discipline my eating, turning to God and God alone for my comfort, not food. Say a little prayer for me if you would!

How to make yourself miserable

Some of the following sound simply ridiculous, but I'm pretty sure I've done every single one of them at one point or another...

How to make yourself miserable:

1. Make a list of your problems. Be sure to do so first thing in the morning so you can get started focusing on them right away.

2. Be sure to worry about something every day. Even if nothing is quite pressing right now, you wouldn't want to get out of practice.

3. Feel sorry for yourself. It's you against the world, and if you don't, who will?

4. Find a way to serve both God and money. Serving God is the "Sunday school answer," but we all know money makes the world go round.


5. Compare yourself to others. How else will you measure your own success? Keep your eyes open and don't become complacent or satisfied with what you have or who you are. Someone out there has more and is better, never forget that.

6. Avoid absolutes, morality is all relative. The only real truth is inside of you, and what's right for you is all that matters.

7. Stand up for yourself, first and foremost.  Never mind other people- they'll take care of themselves.

8. Don't be such a bleeding heart. People just walk all over you anyway. If you waste too much time getting involved in other people's troubles, you many neglect your own.

9. Be sure to keep up on the news, TV and social media. You need to stay in touch and be current. If you have time afterwards, then read your bible. You can always do that later because it stays the same and you aren't missing anything.


Paraphrased from "Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable" from Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliott

Tiny update

It had been a while since my student "Patrick" had been by. He has 7th period free and for a while would come chat with me before class about minutiae then hang out in the back of the room on the bean bags doing homework (I have a small class 7th hour).

I have been praying for him and was wondering about him, as I hadn't seen him. Well, actually, the other day, I saw him with a big group of boys down the hall. He didn't see me, but I figured hollering at him and waving would be ill-advised (I'll save that for my daughter when she gets to high school).

Then, he came by today between classes, stuck his head in, smiled and waved, then left. It was just sweet.

Then he came by 7th hour and chatted a bit before. I noted I hadn't seen him for a while and he said, yeah, he's been busy. He did homework a brief while and then left.

One of the things that he was really upset about when we talked before was not only all he's going through, but that he had no one to talk to.  He said he didn't have any real friends and everyone was too busy for him.

Well, it seems he has gotten busy himself, likely having made a few new friends, and he seems happier. He's such a great kid, and it's good to see him building new relationships, reaching out.

I'll continue to pray for him and that maybe one of those friends will break through his walls and earn his trust. Maybe one will tell him he doesn't have to always be "ok". Maybe one will help him feel he is truly worth loving. And maybe even one will lead him to Jesus.

Lessons learned...again, and again, and again, and again...

I've learned that when a message pops up in casual conversation, then in a daily bible verse, then in another reading or conversation, maybe God's trying to tell me something?

When this happens, it tells me one of two things: 1) either I'm not listening or 2) if I thought I was listening, it's so important that I need to hear it loud and clear!

The message God sent me this time was not a new lesson. In fact, few of the things He's ever taught me are actually new to me at all. However, these lessons are not meant to be understood, but LIVED. And here's the lesson He reminded me of yet again: once you learn to trust me and depend on Me, you aren't done. You have to do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And every day after that until I call you home.

I just get so frustrated with myself, thinking what an idiot I am. I mean come on, I KNOW how amazing my life is, how full, at peace when I'm depending on God and living fully in His will. Yet, I lack passion in my daily quiet time. I continue to seek comfort in food, tv and work instead of the only source of true comfort and fulfillment. I'm not saying any of these things is bad, it's how I look to them, to fill that empty space inside me only God can fill.

Quoting from today's Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (paraphrases/mixes verses as though Jesus were talking directly to you):

Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure... life is meant to be living and working in collaboration with Me...You accept weakness as a gift from Me, knowing that My Power plugs in most readily to consecrated weakness. You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior. You consciously live, move, and have your being in Me, desiring that I live in you. I in you, and you in Me. This is the intimate adventure I offer you.

I have learned these lessons again and again, yet I still try to live under my own strength. I know that life is so beautiful when I surrender and rely on Him. It is not a for once and all, it is a constant focus on Him in the face of the distractions of the world and my own will.

If any of you want to walk My path, you're going to have to deny yourself. You'll have to take up your cross every day and follow Me.
Luke 9:23, The Voice Bible

Just when I think "Okay, I've finally got this!" is when Satan, the world, my own flesh come in and pull me away. I must cling to Him daily, letting Him fill me up.

Let's do this, God! I can make no promises for tomorrow, but today I'm going to follow You.