DR: Day 4 (part 1) HS takeover

It’s quiet time and I was looking for the Lord’s Prayer – Luke 11:2-4:

"Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation."

Hmm, not bad, but “by accident” I opened to Luke 6:20-26, the beatitudes:

"Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when people hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil,
because of the Son of Man.

Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how your ancestors treated the prophets."

I’m crying as I read and write these words and I know that God is speaking to me, that the Holy Spirit has filled me. There are a ton of bugs flying around me but I hardly see them, I never thought that possible. I’ve turned into someone else. My thought is, Theresa, get all your crying done now, or save it for afterwards, but never in the presence of this blessed people, blessed by God. In heaven, He has waiting for them riches that they have never imagined. Upon reading these blessings, I just had a revelation that when we get to heaven there will be nothing different awaiting us, both the rich and the poor, we all will experience the same thing if we are in Christ Jesus. We will all be overwhelmed by a great love and consolation that we have never experienced nor ever expected. The difference will be the contrast in what our previous experience was. If we have never felt comfort or being satisfied, complete and total comfort and joy will be all the greater. Of course, if we don’t have Jesus, there is no reward because He is everything.

I see it as something so beautiful that my favorite song nowadays has been “Strangely Dim” by Francesca Batistelli because I wanted it to be true for me then, but now it is. I didn’t realize I was going to have to be deprived so much emotionally and physically to get there. He had to break my hard heart in order to fill me.

Strangely Dim
by Francesca Batistelli

I've had all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

Today was so … There is just no word to describe it. Reading what I wrote earlier today and reflecting about today, it is so apparent the Spirit that filled me this morning continued to be with me all day and truly gave me the will and equipped me to serve people today, even though it seemed I was the one who was served by them. I don’t remember ever having such a supernatural, such a spiritual experience in some time.

We went to the hospital and even though it was very different from U.S. hospitals with the lack of equipment, many things are the same: people are sick, uncomfortable, far – many times very far – from their home, and they appreciate visits. As we entered the children’s ward, everyone rushed to the smaller children, past an older boy just to the right of the entrance. So, I approached him and introduced myself. He was Robinson, a 15 year old boy who wants to play baseball in the Major Leagues. His favorite school subject was science. After chatting for a while, I asked him if he knew Jesus. He seemed a little taken off guard and said yes, I think so. I think that was the first time I’ve ever just come out and asked someone that question before. Then, his mom showed me a slip of paper the doctor had just given her with a diagnosis on it, that said influenza A, H1N1. I told her it was the swine flu, but she didn’t know what that was either. I told her my daughter had the same thing a few years ago and that she’s fine now, all she needed was rest. That consoled her a little bit. I think God put me there to give her a bit of hope and peace. I asked Robinson if he would like me to pray and he said sure. The three of us joined hands and I led us in prayer in Spanish. When we finished, it was time to head to the next room.

I am not used to approaching strangers and talking to them about Jesus, but I did just that several times this morning and I also hugged and kissed many women and children. Beforehand they told us not to be afraid to approach and even touch people in the hospital and at the dump, as mission groups before have been afraid, stood back and even broke out their germ-ex. The kids (and adults) of our group freely showed love to the people, certainly not making them feel like they were somehow“untouchable.” I would always ask them first “may I hug you?” and the look in their eyes warmed my heart as they told me yes. We also sang a few songs and a few of the patients and family sang along. How this transformed these dark and sad rooms! Before leaving each room, someone would lead the group in prayer. The students from Manna – Ivette and Estefany- took their turn and in spite of being shy, they prayed sincerely and fearlessly. Honestly, when the time came to leave, I was disappointed. God filled me with His Spirit and in spite of being way outside of my comfort zone, it seemed like the most natural thing.

Speaking of natural, Troy just impressed me so much. To watch him, you’d think he a) knew the person he was talking to for a long time and b) spoke Spanish. He had a way of really connecting with the patients and comforting them despite any language barrier. He gathered information about them and would pray with them. It was such a beautiful thing to watch him just love them.

This day was such a special, full day. I have never felt so emptied, incapable of a task, prayed and been so empowered by the Holy Spirit before. Tune in tomorrow to see what happened next- at the fort and the dump!

Pursued

I'm taking a small break from my mission trip journal because one blog entry per day is enough and I had to share.

Have you ever been pursued before? How so? Did the person show up in all of the places you normally go, looking for you? Did he call you on the phone? Text you? Email you? Come to your house? Send you gifts? Hide around the corner and wait for you? However, he did it, I assure you he is not as persistent as God when He is pursuing your heart.

This morning I didn't have time for quiet time. The alarm went off extra early and I went running with my mom, then to 2-hour meeting for work (preparing for Fall Workshop). However, I believe that God was determined to quiet my heart and spend some quality time with His child today.

I just burned a CD for my van with some of my favorite Christian songs. I popped it in and my heart was just so pierced by the songs I heard - I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin and Your Grace is Enough by Matt Maher. Do you ever feel like you're just worshiping God as you sing along with a song and just get lost in it? That's what those 2 songs were like for me today. In fact, as "Your Grace is Enough" finished, I shut my music off, I didn't want to hear anything else. Anyway, I had arrived to Zorinsky where my mom and aunt and I were planning on running.

A minute or two later, my mom got there, and anyone who knows her knows she never puts her running shoes on until she gets to the lake, so she had me come get in her car while she did so. Guess what song was on K-LOVE? Yup, "Your Grace is Enough," no joke. It's a pretty old song, too, so that was pretty amazing to me. It was a nice way to start off my run.

Then, as I was leaving the lake and heading to my meeting, I continued to listen to my burned CD, and I was also really moved by the song "Not for a Moment," by Meredith Andrews. I have always loved that song, so beautiful and comforting. To my dismay, the CD didn't burn properly and cut out about 30 seconds before the end. I thought, oh well, I got to hear most of it, it's okay. So I switched on K-LOVE and guess what song was on? You probably don't even believe me, but it's true! "Not for a Moment." Then, I headed to the bank, and then the store and guess what song they played? I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin.

Finally, as I was pulling into my neighborhood, my other favorite Matt Maher song came on, "Lord, I Need You". I could barely sing along, I was so moved, but I just sat in my car in the garage with my hands held open to Him.

Please, Lord, keep pursuing me! Lord, You know music is the way to my heart and I get so distracted by this world, making myself as busy as possible. May I never forget to seek Your face, to thirst for You and fill myself up only with You.

What does it take to get your attention? Have you been pursued lately? Are you sure? Now that reminds me of another Matt Maher song:

If you're scared that you don't matter,
If you're lost and need to be found,
If you're looking for a savior,
All you gotta do is turn around.

Turn around.

DR: Day 3 - Community day, grumpy me

It’s 5am and it’s useless to continue pretending to sleep. I don’t know if it’s because of the humidity, my stomach or the uncomfortable bed (the mattress and the fact I’m too tall for it), but the result is the same. I haven’t slept more than 1 hour in a row and I’ve basically been waiting for it to be time to get up. I thank God for the rain that makes noise on the tin roof, that drowns out the occasional snore and the roosters’ crowing, which are all over the place, and that allows one to use the bathroom without waking everyone else up. I think the rain lowers the temperature a bit too. I also give thanks for my little fan and I pray that the batteries last. I give thanks for my brothers and sisters here who don’t complain about the conditions and whose love for Christ has brought them all the way here. I give thanks for what I have at home, mostly for my family and for all Jeff does (even washes dishes! J) and all the luxury of “privacy”. But most of all, I give thanks for Jesus who loved us so much – who loves me so much in spite of being so spoiled – and gives us such a strong bond, true family, in such distant and different places such as this. As I look back at this, it almost makes me laugh to see how I'm so obviously counting my blessings instead of focusing on what I'm really thinking and feeling. I'm not even sure I realized I was doing it at the time. I suppose it's a good habit to be in though!

Today is Sierrah’s birthday. I know it will be one she’ll never forget. I hope she can truly celebrate it, not by focusing on herself, rather on the work here. I bought her some “birthday edition” Oreos se we could all celebrate with her. I should have brought more – there weren’t enough even for one per person. Reflecting about it now, I see that even with all the chores and work, Sierrah didn’t expect any special treatment. She came to serve, not be served, even on her special day. She has the heart of a servant and I admire her so much.

 Last night I showed Jarisa the list of Dominican slang phrases that I printed from the internet and she confirmed several of them. That is, there weren’t any specifically that she disagreed with, but she laughed and affirmed several, such as ¿ta nítido?, ¿cómo tú tá?, ¿qué lo qué?, bacano, ta to, and I don’t remember what else. Here they say “chancletas” for flip-flops and they don’t say “maceta”, rather “florero” or “jarrón” for flower pot. Also, a swing is “columpio” but also “hamaca”.

By the way, they have us divided into 4 groups and in my group, C, are Meredith, Lauren, Logan, Jeremy and Zach. I already see in this group people who desire to serve and with tender hearts. In this way, it will be easy to focus more on concentrating myself instead of being such a chaperone; that is, I can serve the people here without having to babysit the kids under my charge. Looking back, it was hard to remember who were the chaperones and who were the kids. Jeremy remarked that we were the best group he’d ever had, that we worked the hardest without any direction necessary.

When I woke up this morning I realized that I had lost the cross from my necklace. I found it in my bed with my flashlight and was able to fix it with a small amount of effort, but I fear that it might happen again, so I’m not going to wear it anymore here. Jesus is in my heart so it’s not necessary to wear Him around my neck, right?

We are in quiet time, which is a little difficult for me to enjoy, since there is no place where the bugs will leave me alone. I have changed location 3 times, but it doesn’t matter. I read today the first 6 chapters of Romans (well, I read chapter 1 yesterday) and decided that it would be better to reflect a bit instead of reading more. What stood out to me was the part about grace. We are children of God, not by blood, nor our own will, rather His. We will not ever be able to deserve nor earn God’s favor. Believing this is one thing and accepting that it is not only for you but for others whose sins are “uglier than yours” is another. What does matter is faith, not any good “works” that we do. One must obey, of course, but faith is what justifies us, or rather, He justifies us by means of faith.

The morning started out with another flat tire, this time on the Daihatsu itself, which delayed Community Day a bit. We took advantage of the opportunity to visit the children’s home, more or less a block from here. The kids were crazy about playing with the teens and one of them who was about 4 years old, Gibbons, jumped into Logan's arms. It was precious! Some of them were shy but the grand majority seemed to trust us almost immediately.

After maybe an hour, we went to Río San Juan where our group ate at one of the Manna student's houses. His mother and little brother (who lives with his father, at his parents’ house) were there too. His mother is pregnant with twins – a boy and a girl, due in November. She is not at all thrilled about having one more child much less two, since she does not have the means to care for them. They served us moro, which here means rice with pigeon peas. It was really good, and was served with delicious chicken too.

It seemed like we spent quite a while there, probably just because I was sweating profusely and there was no breeze. At some point we all had to use the restroom, which was pretty primitive and it was a good thing I brought kleenex and germ-ex. Afterwards, we went for ice-cream at Bon. I couldn’t decide which flavor to order, so I asked the lady what the best one was and her response was “ron pasa” (rum raisin). That’s also what Jeremy said before. They were all right! It was so yummy! The owner came out to greet us and was so kind. She hugged and kissed me and even took a picture with me, taking off her hair net.

It turns out she is a retired teacher! Everyone here opens their homes and hearts to us, it’s just incredible. Then, Jeremy and I walked to a few stores and then the Gri Gri lagoon. It felt so good to dip my feet in, so cool and refreshing. I felt so sweaty, more disgusting than ever and I didn’t want to leave. Poor Lauren cut her foot and there was blood everywhere – and someone stole her flip-flops, or as she said involuntarily donated them.

Then, we went to the Manna Community Center for the “Princesas y pescadores” program for teens. They play games and connect with them, like mentors. Our teens behaved so normally, sweating a ton but having fun with the Dominican teens. It goes without saying that I was miserable and it was tough for me to think of anything except a cold shower. On the way back, we sang to pass the time.

When we finally got back, the teens went to the children’s home. I, the utmost in selfishness, drained, sweaty, almost in tears, and if I'm being honest, just wanted to go home. I was thinking maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Perhaps I'm just too shallow of a person that I can't get past the little things like bugs, sweat and discomfort, filth, no privacy, like everyone else seems to. I finally showered and it was the most luxurious I have had, even though it was cold water and the smallest amount I could. God renewed my spirit too, and I came out to the pad to journal.

However, as I sat down near Jim, he struck up a conversation, which quite frankly I always prefer. Then, we played a bit of volleyball and then had chili dogs for dinner, which really hit the spot. After dinner, it was our turn to clean the bathroom, then it was time for devotional.

At devo, we sang and talked about our experiences today. I shared how impressed I was with these teens, who love so mucn and offered themselves so freely to service when I had nothing left. I just felt in such awe of how they were reflecting God's love when I was failing so miserably at it. I even started to cry (something I never do!). The kids have such tender hearts. Ethan was the first of the teens to share, then Miranda, neither of them are the first 2 I would think of for opening up to the group. I am so proud of them, truly.

Tomorrow is going to be difficult emotionally and physically. We are going to Puerto Plata – first to the hospital, then lunch and then the dump. After the devotional tonight, we prepared 150 bags to distribute (with soap, shampoo, toothbrushes, toothpaste, granola bars and for the kids: Joseph books, crayons and fruit snacks). We are going to pray with the people at the hospital. I wanted to be completely done journaling tonight because I want all of quiet time tomorrow to think about what I’ll say. I don't know, I just feel a heaviness, a sort of dread about it. I'm a little scared about all the strong emotions I might feel tomorrow and want to be available for God to use me to minister to these, likely the neediest we've yet met. I'm just praying and looking to God to provide the words of comfort and to mold my heart and will.

DR: Day 2 - arrival, taking it all in

There isn’t much time to reflect here – you waste time connecting with people if you do. I will try to be brief – on the flight (Miami-Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic) I sat between Jim and Troy.

Jim and I talked a lot about the Holy Spirit and how God still speaks today, which is a bit controversial in the Churches of Christ. Ironically (or more like "appropriately"), as I read my journals back, I so confidently speak of the work of the Holy Spirit in me. There was no doubt in my mind as to whether God was speaking to me or working through me - I wasn't sitting and debating about it, but doing His work and living in His presence. I think it passes Curt DeBoer's test - is what I was doing in keeping with the scriptures? Was it in keeping with what we know of God's character? Who gets the glory? What I knew in my heart was supported by this line of questioning.

Once we disembarked, we were greeted by a band that played beautiful local music (for tips). Then, they stopped playing when we got in line for immigration and we were headed for the luggage claim, so I put on some Juan Luis Guerra on my cell phone for us to enjoy and keep our spirits up. We flew through immigration and customs – it was nothing at all! Upon leaving the airport and breathing the rich, humid air, I don’t know – I was suddenly so happy I felt like crying. I had finally arrived, in spite of everything.

We saw and greeted the other half of our group and got on a type of truck (Daihatsu) with two benches and nothing more than a piece of plastic above us. We met Jeff and Keely, the missionaries.

 They have very strong, charming Southern accents. They put our suitcases in a trailer that the Daihatsu pulled. They offered us a cold drink, telling us it would be the last one, that we would have to buy them after that. They explained a bunch of other things that I don’t remember, I was just trying to absorb and understand what was going on around me in this new country.

Hours went by it seemed until we got a flat tire on trailer. We didn’t waste much time though; we left the trailer off the side of the road and loaded all the luggage onto the Daihatsu, sitting on top of and/or stepping on it. Onward we went. There were many trees, small towns and sometimes people and animals. We sang “tengo gozo, gozo” and “en momentos así”. I didn’t know that would be characteristic of our whole trip, that we never lost an opportunity to sing and praise God, as much to lift our spirits and those around us as to give glory to God.

I saw mango trees – so cool! or rather “bacano”! There is obviously a lot of poverty, but one of the things that really stands out to me (different from Mexico- everything from mountains to desert to beach to forests) is the lushness of it all, and we never forgot that the ocean was not far from us. The missionaries and interns at Manna are so young and kind and must speak a lot of Spanish, but they don’t speak it with me (except Jarisa who is Dominican and Chad who is “off” this week, so we didn’t see as much of him). The say – insist, actually – that Dominican Spanish is not Spanish, that it is so different as to be unintelligible, but up to now I understand the Dominicans I’ve met. Of course, I’m sure the kids will be another story with all their slang and I’ll have to interpret more, as is usually the case with teens.

Upon arriving to the Manna campus, there was a little time to unpack and arrange our things. I was very excited to see there is a volleyball court and we would play there every day. I liked how everyone just jumped in whenever, everyone was always welcome even if it meant 8-10 people on a side!

 

Tomorrow we’ll see if I still understand the Spanish from around here since it’s Community Day. We’re going to homes of local people (families of kids who attend Manna Christian School) and later with kids at Manna Community Center in Río San Juan for a program called Princesas y Pescadores (Princesses and Fishermen).

It’s a bit rustic here (ok, a lot) but like camping. The showers are military style – cold water and use as little as possible – a little to get wet, scrub up, then rinse off, and once a day max- if there is enough water that day. For the toilet the rule is: if it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down, and don’t even think about putting toilet paper in the pot. There’s a stick if you forget! (piece of rebar). I've been back for over a week now and I still catch myself thinking "oh, no! I put the paper in the toilet!" Right now, I can’t even imagine becoming comfortable with the lack of privacy here, I mean there aren't even curtains on the showers, and you are using the bathroom right in front of everyone. As I look back, I’m amazed thinking about how in such a short time we were all comfortable undressing in front of one another, using the bathroom, showering, etc. It’s all so normal, why waste time worrying about such things in conditions such as these.

Tonight we played volleyball and I braided almost everyone’s hair. Dinner was beans and rice with fried yucca (it was all so delicious!) but we had to do the dishes, clean the floors, etc. afterwards. There will be chores every evening. After all, we came to serve, right? After we showered, we chatted on the patio for hours and Washy (Darlin), who is the night security guard, made us Dominican coffee. I would write “Guachi” because his nickname comes from “Guachiman” (I’m guessing - it means watchman), but he writes “Washy”. The coffee is exactly like café cubano but slightly less strong and without the foam. He says they also commonly add some nutmeg, but he didn’t make it for us that way. Well, it’s already 12:30am and the bugs are going crazy with the light, even with my fan (and the anti-mosquito net). More later!

DR: Day 1 (and part of 2) - en route

We are already on the plane from Omaha to Chicago, then Chicago to Miami. We will spend the night in Miami, then head to Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic.

I had time to connect and chat with the group – we went over the slang that I printed and had quite a good time. In my group are: Caleb Schnipke, Larissa Ulmer, Ethan Brush, Kailey and Troy Thornton, Meredith Johnston, Jim White and Keelia Trively. What a great group! This morning, I woke up early unintentionally but no matter. I had time to relax a bit with Jeff. By the way, my rash isn’t as bad today – thanks to the antihistamines! This morning I wanted to print Psalm 23 in the version I memorized before but I forgot. Here it is in the Spanish NIV:

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Those beautiful words – promises – comfort me, calm me a lot.

 

By the way, we should get to Miami a little before 7pm, and I'm just dying to check out Miami! Jim was not as crazy about the idea, and I can’t blame him, but even if it’s just a matter of taking a little walk, that would be nice, don’t you think? Well, more later!

I never would have thought that so much would have happened in such a small amount of time! We got to Miami at 7pm and by the time we got to the hotel, it was 8pm. The driver of the complimentary hotel van, Junior, is Dominican and super nice. He was also really easy to understand. Even the teens understood our conversation! Junior offered to take us anywhere- how nice! We felt like Cuban food, I mean, we’re in Miami! He suggested “La Rosa” and the food and service were… so-so. Our waiter was polite but some of the others who brought us food not so much. They were rude if what they brought us wasn’t what we ordered, as if it were our fault. Furthermore, the menú had too many dishes since they were out of practically everything. I ordered 4 or 5 times before I finally got something they had. The white asparagus was disgusting – like something out of a jar – but I forgive it all for their black beans and rice. So yummy! We all agreed. After eating way too much, we jumped in the pool at the hotel. Well, Troy came down to the pool and Meredith and I just hopped in and out. Keelia, Kailey, Ethan and Larissa played in the water a long time and we didn’t head back to the room until midnight or so. They played Marco Polo and chased a lizard on the wall. We didn’t fall asleep until after 1am. We talked a while- mostly Meredith and I, but I hope that the teens feel more comfortable to be able to open up with us later on.

 

On another note, I finally got a hold of Hannah J She left me a sweet message (I had left my cell phone in the room since the battery was dead) and she was there when I called back. She loved the Reptile Garden J I want to hug her – I already miss her so much, but I’m glad she’s having so much fun on her vacation with Aunt Laurie. She was sorry she had left her bathing suit at home since their hotel has a pool. I promised her to take her to the pool a bunch when she gets home again :)

Our hotel is really nice – our room is really big. I slept on the sofa, which was comfortable, but I was cold with only the tiny, thin blanket I brought. On the way back, whoever sleeps on the couch will have to ask for a blanket at the front desk. Breakfast was the best I’ve had at a hotel (free) – they had it all – sausage, scrambled eggs, muffins, waffles (cinnamon and regular), prepared oatmeal with craisins, walnuts and brown sugar, 4 kinds of juice, bagels, you name it.

We arrived at the airport without a problem and I even bought the café cubano that I was so craving from a place called “Café Versailles,” conveniently near our gate. I even had two! It was exactly like Loli made it! By the way, she recommends we go to “La Carreta” next time for dinner.

I'll pick up tomorrow when we land in the Dominican Republic - and where the journey truly begins!

DR: Day 0 - pre-trip jitters

So, I've been working on typing up my journals (and translating them to English), and I thought perhaps you may want to join me on my first mission trip, which was as much of an internal journey as an external one, in fact, maybe even moreso. I must admit, it's a bit "uncensored," sharing things I'm embarrassed to admit, but I don't feel I can show how God has worked on me without showing my ugliness first!

Obviously God needed to start working on my heart before the trip ... I honestly was frustrated with the youth group, because I wasn't seeing the level of committment I expected - meeting attendance, memorizing lines, enthusiasm, and I felt they were annoyed by my efforts. In discussing the matter with my husband, I had to admit that I really saw the trip as something I had to endure rather than enjoy. And my whole life I've dreamed of going on a mission trip! But I could only think of the bad - being away from my family, not seeing my AP friends, living in basic conditions and most of all have to be flexible and everything being out of my control. I swore and into my mind popped the verse from James – the one about not cursing and praising with the same mouth, and I got angry, disregarding it. Later, I decided to take a bath and opened my Bible app on my phone. Guess what the verse of the day was? It was the verse just before - verse 9 – “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, created in the image of God”. I thought I was wrong in my language but that wasn’t the worst offense – I was cursing those beautiful young people who were created in His image. Moreover, in church today, they made me so proud with their efforts and presentation.

As I read this now, it is so obvious to me that my frustration with the teens was my own fault. I tried to control them and that was not my place.  I am not responsible for the actions of others and trying to control others only creates frustration in me and resentment in others. I would like to note that NONE of my impressions about level of committment were valid. They turned out to be the most special group of teens I have ever worked with, full of love, grace and a desire to share the gospel and God's love with those around them. Furthermore, I can see that Satan did not want me to go. With my feelings, my physical condition (unexplained rash all over my body), he tried with all he had to keep me from going. As it turned out, God called me and changed me intensely; if the devil could have foreseen this, wouldn't he do everything possible to stop me from going? It seems that’s what he did, but God is stronger.

Gifts

As I was reading Romans 12, I tend to stop at my favorite, verse 2- "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." There are so many influences in this world that pull me away from Jesus. But today I didn't stop there.

As I read on, Paul talks about how we are to use our gifts to serve, especially in verses 6-8.
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." 

However, when we were in the DR, we did everything together as one body. We hauled rocks to build a bridge, we did dishes, cleaned toilets, scrubbed floors, played with kids, taught VBS, sang worship songs, prayed with people at the hospital, painted the inside of a school, shared our faith with people of all ages, you name it. 

Were some of us better at some things than others? You bet! I marveled watching Troy knowing almost no Spanish interacting with people at the hospital, praying over them and giving them great comfort. I was so impressed with Jeffrey who at only age 15 could command a room of wiley inner city kids and lead them in prayer. I was moved by the teens who never complained once about working hard or sweating in miserable conditions and instead of resting or showering went straight to the children's home to play with the small children there.

Too often, I believe we use the "spiritual gifts" argument to bow out of doing God's will. We say, like Moses, that we aren't articulate, why will anyone listen to us, we are bad at expressing our faith or talking to others, or can't handle groups of kids, or otherwise don't have the skills to help. I mean, I'm not talented, so what does God need me for? I'll just let someone else take care of that.

I'll tell you why - WE miss out. God's will will be carried out, don't worry, we just won't be a part of it. Furthermore, I can't tell you what I learned just being a part of serving, especially in ways I never imagined serving. I feel completely awkward sharing my faith with a stranger, especially someone of a different age, race, culture than me. But that is how I grow in my faith and talents for the kingdom.

God has a plan for you too, and maybe just maybe you have some real talents He wants to surprise you with :)

Transition

I haven't talked to really anyone since I've returned from the DR Mission Trip except my husband, mother and sister. My husband always "gets" me and I've been in deep conversation with him about the changes in me, as I'm trying to figure them out myself.

My mom and sister, I feel, probably speak for everyone else in thinking -wow, it must be nice to be back in the A/C and have all the comforts of being home again. Actually, no, it's not. How can I tell them that I only miss everything about the DR right now? I wasn't ready to come home and now that I'm here, I don't know what to do with myself.

Here's what it was like living in the DR:
1. There was always something for me to do, a service I was needed for - be it physical labor, sharing the gospel, teaching children, playing with them, loving on them, encouraging others

2. I was completely "unplugged" so there was no one to get back to, no email, no interruptions, no frustrations of waiting for things to load or work properly

3. The people there either a) love Jesus and are devoting their life to knowing Him better and serving Him or b) are in a desperate situation and are open to help and/or learning about Jesus (or already do love him)

4. We SANG in moments of sadness, while working or just to pass the time. It was okay to cry and tell each other we loved each other. Our emotions were not buried deep inside while we put up a front so it appeared we had it all together. Like the song says "may my steps be worship, may my thoughts be praise..." we did

5. I was so connected to God, seeking His will for me and experiencing His love that I no longer was bothered when things didn't go "my way". I mean, to be honest, normally when I drop something or experience minor frustrations, I'm boiling over and even swearing. Not so anymore.

Now, mind you, many of these changes can be transferred to life here- not being so "plugged in", have quiet time like we did there to read my bible, journal and reflect, worship throughout the day in song and in my heart, serve others I know and in the community (make food for a friend, volunteer, etc.), donate from the great excess that I (and most Americans) have. But many of these things I was doing before...

However, it is just not the same. Americans here do not know the need those we met in the DR do. Many feel "entitled" to help from the government and churches with little appreciation, or at least don't want to acknowledge the givers of their assistance. There is often a feeling of superiority of those who give/serve over the recipients instead of a connection like there was in the DR.

Most of all, I made real friends that I miss intensely. I felt like my presence, my love - Jesus' love- was more needed than anything physical/material that I had to offer. I will never forget those children and many of the teens will be adults when we come back in 2015, God willing.

So no, I'm not glad to be back, but I pray that God will show me the way to continue to serve Him with fervor and love those around me as I learned to do in that special place. After all, at first I would have to admit that I was not thrilled with the conditions and felt at least a little longing to go home. I couldn't sleep, my tummy was upset, I was a bit irritated, but it led me to look to God for fulfillment rather than this world. With DISCIPLINE, I can deny myself and be open to His will for me. It will not be easy, but neither was life in the DR.

No, "easy" and "comfortable" should not describe the life of a Christian. I will continue to pray for God to show me what His will is for me here, as I cling not to my own plans, but to His perfect will.