Becoming real

If you have never read Kisses from Katie, you are truly missing out. It will change your life. A popular, cute little 19-year old girl from Tennessee moves to Uganda and ends up a mother to 14 girls and starting a ministry that saves the lives of hundreds, all because of  Jesus. I can't stop reading it. Do you ever wonder if your life is all it was meant to be? Are you doing what God is asking of you? You would think someone who left all comforts for a life of service would write a book that would fill you with guilt or make you feel helpless or discouraged about what you could possibly do. Not Katie. I feel challenged, yes, but not helpless. One of the things I was reading this last week was about the Velveteen Rabbit, and in it is such a profound truth.

The following was written as she was back from Uganda living with her parents and brother, missing her adopted daughters in Uganda.

During the time I spent in my parents' house, I remembered a favorite story, The Velveteen Rabbit. It begins with a rabbit, fluffy and beautiful, "just as a rabbit should be," but all the rabbit wanted was to be real. The boy who owns the rabbit loves it to tatters; his velveteen fur becomes worn and his stuffing starts to come out. "So much love stirred in his little sawdust heart that it almost burst. And into his boot-button eyes, that had long ago lost their polish, there came a look of wisdom and beauty, so that even Nana noticed it next morning when she picked him up and said, 'I declare if that old Bunny hasn't got quite a knowing expression!'

...I was like that velveteen rabbit. When I first went to Uganda, I felt sparkling and beautiful, as a teenage girl from Brentwood 'should' be. But now I spent my days without makeup, getting my hands dirty and doing hard but meaningful work. I was tattered and worn out. The beautiful, dirty people who populated my life had loved all the polish and propriety right off me.

I'd been hurt and scarred and banged around a bit in the past year, but God was using all those things to help me become real. My stuffing was coming out because I'd been loved to tatters. I was coming to understand that what it means to be real is to love and be loved until there is nothing left. And when there's nothing left, and we feel we're all in pieces, God begins to make us whole. He makes us real. His love sets us free and transforms us.

Yes, this is exactly it. From my mission to the Dominican Republic, Jim's sermons this year on grace, more and more I'm being challenged to experience more of who God really is and what He is calling me to do and be. I've learned that I struggle with judging instead of serving those who most need God's love. I've also learned that it's easier to show God's grace when I am serving those in need and when I remember how much of it I need myself.

The secret to life you already know but don't really want to hear

Despite how smart and/or wise I may be from various degrees, certifications, ongoing training and mostly life experiences, all of those things can have the opposite effect. When they distract instead of draw me to Him, they are useless. A little like Ecclesiastes, I know. I have read the bible as well as a number of books about Jesus, I have prayed to him thousands of times, and my whole life is speckled with experiences that confirm His existence and goodness. Yet here I sit again, weak and failing in some areas of my life. I forget that He is the orchestrator of all things good. He's got the whole world in His hands, it's not just a song, folks. I don't have to have it all figured out, I just need to remember to bring it all to Him.

But bringing "it all" to Him is not easy. It requires humility. But most of all, it requires discipline. Those are probably two of the most unwelcome words there are, unless they're being applied to someone else. I've been a Christian pretty much my whole life and I've yet to meet another who didn't struggle with one or the other, especially with discipline. At least I'm not alone!

This summer, we instituted a "summer contract" for Hannah, with technology limits, chores, outside time, exercise and quiet time (with the Lord). Silly us, we were just trying to be good parents, but turns out God was doing some parenting to us in the process.

During my quiet time, I was rereading Max Lucado's God Came Near and he notes that if our faith seems weak, we probably haven't seen Jesus in a while, that when we see Him, we long for Him, are obsessed with Him. That is what I miss most about my time in the DR. Yet a tiny bit of discipline is all it takes on my part to open my eyes and see that He is right here, just as near as He was in the DR.

It's awfully hard for me to see Jesus when I fill my mind and time with other things. Are they good things? Productive things? Even serving others kind of things? Yes, yet that is not enough. Until I discipline myself into waiting on the Lord, patiently, I will never hear His voice above the rustling of the world, above my own ideas and plans.

Hannah and I are going through a time where both of us long to strangle the other on a daily basis. Ok, I'm just kidding. Sort of. The summer contract, despite its relatively generous technology limits and list of rewards for completing the tasks, was met with plenty of drama, spite and tears. However, the days it has been in effect have been the most peaceful we've had in months. We've enjoyed each other's company doing chores together, playing games and Hannah even went on a run with me!

My most memorable moment though was during quiet time when Hannah was reading "A Teen's Guide to Christian Living." She remarked, "God was so patient with the Israelites! They disobeyed Him, they complained all the time, I would have given up on them long ago!" I noted that God gives us children to teach us that same patience, and she smiled at me. She knew what I meant. In a rare moment of maturity, she acknowledged that she knew it wasn't always easy to be her parent. Of course, I also assured her that the reason it was so hard for God and is so hard for parents is because of the deep, enduring love we have for our children.

Just the tiniest bit of discipline, and almost immediately God began healing our relationship and enriching our lives. I'm so excited to see what else He has in store for us this summer!