It seems so long ago even though it was only a week ago that I finished Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. I got it mainly because Jamie was reading it and it sounded so good. Wow. It was with great joy and sadness all at once that I received the wisdom she imparts. If only I had read this when I was younger - how different would my life be? Yet, it is never too late, which inspires me.
Just to focus on one thing that I've learned and am experiencing now is that of taking it to the Lord first. I'm so guilty of saying a quick prayer (if that), then running my dilemmas, frustrations or sorrows with others in my life. For want of an IMMEDIATE response and affirmation, I miss out on the wisdom and perspective that only God can give.
Elliot also points out that "getting feelings out" by airing them out or even writing them down doesn't necessarily help- in fact, often the reverse is true. This goes against my instincts, yet when I read it, I immediately knew she was right. When my hurt feelings or misdirected passions get in the way of doing God's will, dwelling on them does me no good. In fact, it only magnifies them, further removing me from His will for my life. It is turning inward when what I need is to turn to Him.
Furthermore, when instead of being quiet and bringing my grievances with others to the Lord, I share my problem with others, I further complicate issues, often making reconciliation more difficult or impossible.
I did not know it would be so soon that I would be applying this lesson, but here I am. My feelings were hurt, as someone I considered to be a friend appears to value money over our friendship. Perhaps she is just angry at my flakiness (thought I lost a check, but found it) and will forgive, but I'm not sure it can be repaired with what was said. I will keep this entirely between her and me (except Jeff) and bring it to the Lord (I have already, will continue). My instinct is to ask others on our vball team who know her much better for more perspective, but to do that would a) bring them into what is our business, b) be gossip or at least seen as such c) likely ruin any chance of working this out with her directly - especially if she heard I mentioned it second hand, and finally d) put others in God's place, looking to them for affirmation that I am in the right, to heal my hurt feelings.
I feel so immature for not handling things this way in the past, but God is not done with me yet!
