Family

I just came from meeting with my "family," or my together group (which I still always call "life group"!). This is one of the few things in my life that is unstructured and low key. I won't lie, I've had to refocus myself a few times to not be frustrated that we weren't doing something instead of just hanging around.

Tonight the events went something like this: fixing Connie's screen door, sharing prayer requests/answered prayers and things we are grateful for, a prayer, singing a few songs, a closing prayer and dessert. I really like hanging with an almost 12 year old girl who doesn't open up immediately, but is funny and sweet with me now. We are such a hodge-podge group that despite living close are really from opposite ends of the spectrum in socioeconomic class, ethnicity, education, age, you name it, but we're family. We share, play, fight, rejoice in each other's highs and put each other in our place.

Earlier today, I just had songs in my heart and longed to praise God together with them. So, I brought up the idea to sing. We don't have the best voices, but I think God has a converter that runs on heart, turning our sad attempts into something beautiful!

I am also able to share with them without pretense. Jeff read an email I got from a parent today. It almost made me cry! I'll let you read part of it:

"I hope with all my heart you don’t get tired of hearing this, but thank you for all you do for your students—my son most certainly included!!!
You just go so far and above the call of duty for your students!!! It is obvious how much you care, and how much you truly want them to learn.
The Millard school district is so fortunate to have you, and so are we!!!!!
You are truly one of the most gifted and giving teachers any one of our children have ever had.
Thank you so very much!!!!!"

I can't tell you how much that meant to me - I probably don't have to. I want to pull it out every time I have a bad day or wonder if what I'm doing is making a difference. I never wanted to brag or come across as seeking glory, and that isn't why I want to share this. It just touched me so much I wanted my family to experience my joy.

I hope you have family like I do. I don't mean the one who raised you. I love my hubby, daughter, parents, sibs, and nothing can separate us. But, you know what? These guys are my family too, because of a cross.

Idolatry

As I read passages from Hosea, Haggai and Psalms I am convicted of the idolatry in my own life. My struggle is not with porn, sexual immorality, drugs or the like. In many ways, I think it would be easier if it were. My idol is food, which clearly is also a necessity. As I find my relationship with God lacking in fulfillment, it's easy to see why when I turn first not to Him, but to earthly pleasures.

Long after all have gone and I'm grading papers, I shovel in whatever munchies are around. When I get to the end of a busy day, it's easier to flip on the TV and scarf junk than open my bible and think. I just get numb and instead of opening my heart and facing my feelings, taking them to God, I numb myself more.

Food is such a bad god, too. That's how idols are - temporarily they comfort and half-fill a need only God can truly meet. Plus, it leaves me disgusted with myself and physically worse off than before. "Focus on me more," it tells me, so I diet and pay even more attention to it. I don't have a weight problem, I have a heart problem.

There's another reason I started this blog - to examine what I'm thinking and feeling and give those feelings and thoughts to God. I want a closer relationship with God because He deserves the glory and because its what I need too.

Ever present help

I recently heard about a terrible accident that happened a week ago, of a 38-year old woman hit by a car who may not make it. I went to college with her and just can't picture her face. I remember her name so well and hear from others now how devoted a teacher and mother she is. Not much is being released about her condition, but a friend who visited shares they don't know the extent of damage to her brain, but it may be best if she pass on.

I can't imagine what her family is going through right now. Distraught, I searched the net to find out more information, but the only thing I find is the story of how the accident happened. I tried to find more about her, it's been so long and I'm just trying to get a mental picture of her, but I found nothing. We tend to think we can find whatever we're looking for on the web, but it is so limited, even with millions of people inputting information each day. Even when we find information, can we trust it? I know of another source of information, in fact, the only true and authentic resource with the answers to all of our questions: God's word. (it is nice that it's on the web!) In it, I found comfort and inspiration in the 46th psalm.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields [b] with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

I'm blown away by God's power and majesty. How does he put up with me every day busily occupying myself with such "important" matters, yet not spending time in awe of Him? I want to be still and know that He is God. That's the main reason I wanted to start this blog: as a constant reminder to be still and listen to Him, to focus on His living word. Only then does my life make sense and can I be who He needs me to be.

I will be praying fervently for my friend Michelle. If you read this, will you too?

What the heck does "desvarios" mean?

For those of you who do not know Spanish, "desvaríos" just means ramblings or babbling, ranting, making not much sense.

I'm starting this blog as a place to just dump what's on my mind, heart and soul without having to make sense or be judged, so please keep that in mind as you read!