Little friends give a little perspective

I found this post I meant to make back in July but never finished... I just now updated it a bit and voila!

Olivia is my new little bestie as of the beginning of July at a family reunion. All because I just took a minute to chat with her. I really don't know what she saw in me, but she wouldn't leave my side! I chatted with her, shot a few hoops and just loved on her. By the way, she is my cousin Brenda's 10 (almost 11?) year old daughter.

We decided to skype to keep in touch, and I hope we really do. Busy summer with her on vacation, then us.

We got to hang out a bit more at my cousin Abbie's bridal shower 2 weeks ago and wedding last night. My blue shoes matched her dress perfectly! She is such a goofy, precious little thing. I wish we lived closer. She lives in Winterset, about 2 1/2 or 3 hours from us.

I really love Jamie's beau, Derek's boys, Ryan and Collin. They are rambunctious yet sweet. They were crawling under the table and running around with all the other kids and as Ryan was passing behind my chair, I teased, "Do you know what happens to little boys who sneak behind my chair? They get TICKLED!" and I tickled him until he giggled senselessly. Shortly after, I was talking and did not notice that he was behind my chair again. He interrupted, "I'm sneaking!" Of course, I obliged! Since I hate being tickled so much, I would periodically stop and ask if he wanted me to stop, and he always replied "no!" Finally, since I kept asking and perhaps he was growing impatient or just wanted it clear, he shouted "never!" It was nothing profound or deep, but just some special moments with the little guy.

I wonder how many other little precious friends I would have if I only took a minute to notice. Just to encourage them, show them a little love. I was so amazed in the Dominican Republic how the kids just seemed to warm up to us so quickly, but I don't really know that they are as unique as I first thought. All kids just want to be loved. Just a little attention, to make them feel special.

Back at the family reunion in July just before we left, Hannah, Olivia and I were chatting. One of the girls mentioned how one guy had read the bible several times over and someone else asked him why. He responded that it was different every time, that there was always something new- a new perspective due to him being at a different point in his life or simply the Spirit helping him to understand something new. The girls spoke so knowingly about how God's word is "living" and it's always new, that it pierces your heart. It just warmed my heart so to hear them talk like that - such spiritual wisdom out of the mouths of babes! Truly, that is what Jesus meant when He said that unless we accept the kingdom of heaven like a little child we will never enter it.

I guess I needed a few little friends to get a little perspective :)

The "F" word

A few days ago I mentioned that the Spirit was speaking through me when I was talking with my student "Patrick."

He was telling me about his relationship (or lack of one) with his mother. His last birthday, he went to McDonald's with his sister and watched a dumb movie while his mom went over to her bf's house because he was going out of town the next day. It was hard enough for Patrick to ask her to be there for him, but imagine how it felt when she turned him down, only so she could be with the man she was having an affair with. Ignoring her son on his birthday so she could be unfaithful to his father. That hurts, putting it mildly. The worst part about it is it's not even an isolated incident. Mom doesn't show affection, doesn't praise him for anything, only criticizes. He returns the favor by being negative, ignoring her on her birthday and pretending not to care.

I asked him if he tried telling her how he felt, but that didn't end well. I noted that regardless of whether she reciprocates or not, he should to at least try to reach out to her, because he obviously does care, whether he wants to or not.

And then out of my mouth came the "F" word. Forgiveness.

It was the farthest thing from my mind, feeling so angry and frustrated at his sad excuse for a mother, seeing this great kid torn apart, feeling unloved, like no one could ever love him because of her. Forgive her? Seriously? Where did that come from?

And I went on... telling him that he needed to forgive her, regardless of whether it resulted in an improvement in their relationship or made a difference to her. He needed to forgive her for himself because otherwise the pain and burden will always be on him. It is only by letting go and forgiving that he will be freed and be able to move on, grow, love.

He seemed skeptical yet intrigued. He may not be ready to forgive her, but I believe the idea is bouncing around in his head. I know he does not believe in God, but the concept of forgiveness, regardless of one's faith, is so powerful. Someone may have deeply hurt us, but unless we forgive them, they retain power over us. There is no way to focus on revenge or "justice" without harboring bitterness in our heart. Life is unfair, people will hurt us and others, but unless we forgive, they keep doing it, over and over, even after their actions have ceased and, chances are, they have long forgotten about it.

Why do we continue to find forgiveness so hard to do? Even as Christians, we often hold grudges and refuse to forgive. Why? We mistakenly believe that somehow we're saying what they did is ok if we forgive, or that we have forgotten and are "over" what they did to us, or that we are necessarily admitting fault. We also see forgiveness as something for the weak. None of these misconceptions could be farther from the truth.

When we forgive someone, we are saying, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to carry this burden around with me anymore. This is yours to deal with now. What you did is on you, it no longer concerns me, I'm LETTING GO."

As Christians, we cannot just play the martyr and say, "I'm supposed to just forgive those who hurt me?" as though we were innocent. We have a sin problem. Each and every one of us. If that weren't the case, Jesus would not have needed to be mocked, beaten and murdered like He was, all to make us right with God - to SAVE us!

When He was beaten, mocked, scorned by the Romans and Jews, what did He do? What did He say? "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34. The thing is, I think they DID know what they were doing. At least they knew that they were murdering an innocent man. I believe He only meant they didn't realize they SCALE of what they were doing. They were crucifying the Son of God, God himself. The same could probably be said of those who hurt us the deepest. Do they know they are hurting us? But do they realize how deeply? Of course, it doesn't matter. We are to forgive them all the same.

As Christians, we have no other choice but to forgive. Here are just a few of the many bible verses that tell us to forgive.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-16

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Knowing we must do so doesn't make it any easier, unfortunately. However, what God asks us to do, He Himself will give us the strength to do. We don't have to "feel" forgiveness, we must simply obey and do it.

I leave you with the most powerful story of forgiveness that I know (after that of our Savior). It is that of Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian whose entire family was murdered by the Nazis because of their giving aid to Jews. It was a few years after WWII and she had just given a talk about Jesus' forgiveness, when she was approached by a man who was the meanest Nazi soldier in the camp where she and her sister were sent. He personally tortured her and her sister, who died there. How could she forgive him?? The story still brings tears to my eyes, no matter how many times I read it. Read and let it penetrate your heart: Corrie Ten Boom's story of forgiveness

God, this is it

Ever since the trip to the DR, I have just been looking for that sense of being "in" His will, just depending on Him and serving Him daily. It was such a fulfilling time - I knew I was exactly where I needed to be, and He filled me up, not food, TV, work or any other vice. I was overflowing with a sense of purpose and just feeling so incredibly blessed to connect with others who love him too, and being able to bless them too.

Telling the story of Joseph in Rio San Juan, Dominican Republic

When I got back, I applied to volunteer, sought every opportunity to serve, continued my daily devotional time and vowed to continue in His will, never going back. Reading Kisses from Katie and her blog, it is just so inspiring the amazing, beautiful things the Lord does through her every day in Uganda. However, no matter how intense the spiritual growth is that occurs in "mountain top living," the depth of it is really proved when you come down. I seem to be losing the intensity I had, the deep need to spend quietly with Him.

Today, my former student "Patrick" came back and we had another intense conversation. He did go and talk to his counselor, but he feels worse because now his feelings are really starting to emerge. Instead of appearing to have it all together and overachieving in school, yet being depressed, filled with anger and dead on the inside, he's starting to fall apart, lose control and actually feel something. I assured him it is a necessary step and mainly listened. There were even times where I just felt words coming out of my mouth, saying things I would never have thought to bring up myself, but perhaps just what he needed. I felt God working through me, right where I was.


The sky tonight on my way home

And then it hit me. God, this is it. I've been looking for just anything to bring back that purpose I felt, just to find the new me that came back from the DR. And I suddenly was just overcome with joy and felt a rush of love - the Spirit. This is it! I'm exactly where He wants me to be. I feel like God has put me right here for a reason. The students at my school may not be materially destitute, but they are hurting, so many of them are just spiritually bankrupt, desperately broken. They need Jesus and I can show them His love. Funny I had to go thousands of miles from home all to find that I was already where I needed to be all along.

 

Slaves or free?

In our country, we have a strong desire to be free. Actually, I believe it goes much beyond our country, our culture- I'm not sure anyone is born with a profound desire to be a slave. But in our country, we take great pride in being the "land of the free."

Yet we are enslaved. How can that be?

We are slaves to our desires, to feeling inadequate if we don't measure up to our peers in income, material possessions, physique, achievements, so much so that we can never stop and enjoy the blessings we have; we can only see how it's not enough. We are slaves to our desires to "fix" that inner ache/emptiness we all have- some by using alcohol, sex, drugs, porn, food - even world-approved fixes like exercise, service to others and taking time for ourselves because "we deserve it."

But none of those things address the real issue. We have a longing for our Father in heaven, to know Him and be loved by Him, to belong and have purpose only He can give.

I was just reading Romans 6 and was just struck with the irony of it all. If we are obedient to our desires, we are slaves to sin, which leads to death. Aren't we taught to listen to our "inner voice"? That the answer is inside of us?

No, that's what got us into this fix in the first place. As Jeremiah 17:9 says, the heart is deceitful above all things - we can talk ourselves into whatever our sinful nature desires- we are very good at justifying what we want! But, when we follow our own desires, that leads us down the path of sin, enslaving us.

But how do we break free? What amazing feat of liberation must we perform to gain our freedom?
And therein lies the irony.We must submit.

What? Submission is the opposite of freedom, isn't it? I mean, what do slaves do? Submit, right?

But it's very clear, Romans 6 does not give us another option. Actually, it's more like recognizing that we are incapable of NOT submitting to something. We will either be slaves to our out of control appetites (flesh, sinful desires) or we will be slaves to obedience which leads to righteousness.

Even as Christians, our desire is to be free. We feel we should be beyond the pull of sin. I mean, we died to that, right? We've been set free, right? But we cannot do it alone. We must BE SLAVES to righteousness, to obey God.

We are slaves either way, but death is what we get if we offer ourselves to sin. Eternal life is our gift if we offer ourselves to Christ (Romans 6:23) and as Jesus said in John 8:36, when He sets us free, it is for REAL, we are truly free. God doesn't see us as a bunch of slaves - we are His children- we belong to Him and have a place in His kingdom forever!

So ironic or not, I choose freedom - real freedom. That is, submission to the Lord and obedience to Him. How about you?

 

So you want to climb Longs Peak? (part 2)

We left off on the Ledges of Longs Peak, the farthest Jeff had ever gotten on this climb. Mike was nervous and moving really slow. Jeff went first, Mike followed and I stayed behind to encourage and make sure he was alright.

I didn't have a chance to worry about Jeff, nor did Jeff have a chance to worry about Jeff - he was moving slowly and talking Mike through it too. Part of it was also that Mike was on day 4 of antibiotics for a sinus infection, which affected his balance somewhat- he felt slightly dizzy from time to time. I believe God sent us to help him and him to us to help Jeff. Funny how that works. It makes me think of my favorite proverb- "He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." Proverbs 11:25

Despite his fears, onward we trudged across the Ledges, which about halfway through actually descend quite a bit.

Next comes the Trough, a coulouir - basically a steep gravelly mess. There is little solid ground there- every rock large or small is likely to slide beneath your feet. It goes on for about 2000 feet and is quite steep.

At the top of the Trough is a 10 foot chock stone that leaves you in a conundrum. How do you get up? There are a few ways - you can rely completely on your feet on a slight protrusion from the sheer rock wall to the right or you can go the the left and climb a series of large rock formations, the first being the worst and hardest. Both seem impossible at a cursory glance, and even at several glances, but it's amazing what you'll do when you've climbed 7 1/2 miles and are almost to your goal.

Let me say that Jeff, the cautious one of the two of us went up the right side, the crazy way that even I refuse to take. I couldn't believe it! He was like Spiderman! Where was my husband? This new guy was fearless!

I took Mike's backpack (I actually take my backpack off to climb this section too) and helped him up the left side. He was becoming more fearful, wondering how he would get down. I thought that once he got past that and made it to the Narrows, surely he'd be home free.

I was wrong.

He got a few steps out onto the Narrows and was terrified. He told us in broken sentences that he was stopping here and not moving for at least half an hour until he calmed down. I had to yell at Jeff, who was boogeying quickly across the Narrows to tell him. We insisted on helping him down, but he said no, he'd be fine.

 Sitting at the top of the Trough

entering the Narrows

the beginning of the Narrows (Jeff is in the black head sock/Green Bay sweatshirt)

looking to the right (and down) from the Narrows

We were very disappointed that Mike was turning around, but at the same time were excited to be getting closer to the top. It was so amazing to see Jeff feeling the same way I was. We were both handling the altitude very well and were full of energy. The Narrows are actually quite short, much shorter than the Ledges and the Trough and require almost no altitude gain. 

Soon, we reached the end of the Narrows and turned left and straight up the Homestretch. 

end of the Narrows

 

It is a little intimidating, as there isn't always a good foothold and it is very steep. The rock is sheer with some cracks in it and always has some water running down it for good measure - ha!

 Yes, the Homestretch is no joke!

nearing the summit!!

Jeff was moving a bit slowly, as was everyone else. The air is a bit less oxygenated at 14,000 feet, for sure. I was so cold from moving so slowly in the shadows ever since the Keyhole and was elated to be on the Homestretch. Jeff later told me I said I felt like dancing, and I was actually singing as I was climbing. It was unreal how good I felt.

I still can't get over how fearless Jeff was. It is just so out of his character to be so carefree in such a situation, much less to do the climb we did in the first place. My daring dad did it back in 2002 and was so anxious about the trip down, I don't think he enjoyed the summit very much. 

 

I asked Jeff about it later and he said that night before, he read the book I gave him by Mike Donohue about climbing Longs Peak. If you've ever read his book, you know it is the most encouraging, reassuring book you can find, otherwise I'd have never given it to him to read, knowing his anxieties. However, reading it, he began to panic and all his anxieties began to kick in. Instead of letting them get away from him, he prayed for God to take them from him. He prayed for Him to take control and take his anxieties away, that whatever happened may God be glorified. And look how He answered his prayer! What a humble, beautiful prayer and look how God answered it!

 on the true Summit

 with Mt. Lady Washington in the background- to the left- which he climbed last year

okay, no one was as fearless as this guy!

As Jeff was snacking, I was running around the summit videotaping, taking pictures and just enjoying the experience.

Mt. Meeker in the background

 identifying geographic features for a German lady

 Chasm Lake and Peacock Pool

We enjoyed the summit fully and reluctantly began heading down. I had hoped to exchange email with Mike since I had taken so many pictures of him along the way, however we were sure that he was long gone and that we had seen the last of him. Or had we?

We had a brief snack and relaxed to get through the Keyhole again, into the sun and out of the exposed areas. 

forget the beach, this is MY idea of relaxing :)

Imagine our surprise when hours later we found Mike waiting for us at the bottom of the Boulderfield! We couldn't believe it! We told him so and he replied, "I said I would wait for you." But hours? For complete strangers? What a man of honor! We exchanged email and headed down. 

We felt so blessed to have such an amazing day. As Jeff noted, clouds eventually began forming around every other mountain in the area except Longs. That is just unreal, as Longs, being the highest peak around, is a magnet for every cloud and storm. We felt the hand of God the whole day.

If you would like to see a video montage of all our Longs pictures, including video, click HERE

So you want to climb Longs Peak?

The last few weeks have been amazing being "unplugged", visiting my dear friend Heidi in Cheyenne and spending 10 days in the mountains- camping and hiking with my family.

I'd like to take you on a journey with us up Longs Peak. Anyone who has attempted Longs knows you start at an ungodly hour, for example we started at quarter to 2am and had plenty of company.

By the time we reached the Boulderfield, the sun was starting to come up and create what is referred to as alpenglow. Isn't it gorgeous??

It was surprisingly not windy or cold like it normally tends to be. It was practically balmy - in the upper 50s, and let's not forget the perfectly starry sky!

We were keeping a decent pace and leap frogging with several other groups who were stopping to rest but going faster than us. Slow and steady wins the race, right? We noticed, however, a certain climber was keeping pace with us and as we encouraged him to pass, he said no, he was really slow.

Well, he wasn't so slow to us and we invited him into conversation. His name was Mike and he was a math teacher in St. Louis who came to climb, alone, after a vacation weeks ago with his boys, ages 7 and 11. His ultimate goal was to climb Mt. Elbert and bring them back a rock from the summit.

We abandoned our trekking poles at the Boulderfield, as beyond there you need your hands for climbing and they are just a liability. As we neared the Keyhole, it became apparent that Mike was having major issues with the exposure of the hike climb. It is always pretty windy at the Keyhole, and you walk into a whole new world - one where one misstep could be it. Up to this point, there are no drop offs, you're hiking through a forest, up steep paths, through a boulder field, but there's nothing "scary." You walk through the Keyhole, an opening where the mountain blocks the sun, the wind practically blows you over (most days- today wasn't too bad, actually) and onto ledges looking straight down thousands of feet. It is overwhelming for the senses.

 nearing the Keyhole, in the Boulderfield

 the Keyhole from close up

This picture is taken from the point where the guys above are sitting in the Keyhole, the exact time of day as the previous picture. If it means anything to you, the tiny lakes down there are Italy (left), Green (just to the right of Italy) and Black (far right), all in Glacier Gorge.

Jeff and Mike crossing the Ledges. See the Keyhole behind Mike to the right? It is less windy once you get past the Keyhole, thankfully.

 Mike was, as I said before, was really struggling mentally at this point. Jeff and I have tried this climb together in the past, but he just couldn't get past the Ledges. I believe that part that did it for him was a particular section where they actually drilled bars into the rock. One bar is more helpful on the way up and the other stops you from catching momentum and falling off the trail on the way back.

I've climbed on Longs several times before and was turned around a few times because of other members of my party, once even as close as 1/4 mile from the summit, and have summited twice. But, I wondered, would Jeff get over his fear of heights? Would the altitude be too much for him? Would he prefer to turn around with Mike?

Read more tomorrow!