Available

I have missed the past couple days of my morning quiet time. I have been oversleeping, having a tough time getting up. I haven't been going to be later, I just can't get enough rest! True, I get more sleep, but I lack the peace I have when I have quiet time in the morning to read, pray and reflect.

Today was super hard getting out of bed and as I was about to, 20 minutes late, I got message of an elearning day (aka snow day!). I proceeded with my quiet time and read the daily bible verse:

Just ask and it will be given to you; seek after it and you will find. Continue to knock and the door will be opened for you. All who ask receive. Those who seek, find what they seek. And he who knocks, will have the door opened.
Matthew 7:7-8

You want a rest day? You got it! Thank you, Jesus!

Yet already my mind fills with all the obligations I have and what should be doing. Yet I know that God gave this day to me. Not that it's a gift with strings attached, but He knows what is best for me. He knows I need rest. My mind will function better, my soul will be more at peace and I’ll be more equipped to handle life if I do.

As I use the time to take a breath, I find myself reflecting. A great deal of my time (I hate this about myself!), I’m self centered. Oh sure, I try really hard to do acts of kindness, create programs and projects to benefit others. I love to give gifts and make things for others, but I’m so over committed and planned that I’m not AVAILABLE.
I’m not available for what God wants, or what others want, to listen to or notice others, to pause. In fact, I feel burdened and annoyed when others ask me to do what I had not already planned to do. "Isn't what I'm doing enough?" I think. "What more do you want from me?"

How can someone be so giving and selfish at the same time?

If I’m honest, I don’t like being available. I hate not having something to do. I'm one of those creative types. Tack on the classic type A overachiever mentality and it's a recipe for burnout. I like to control what I’m doing, to have a plan. When I have been on mission trips to the DR, they were such times of growth for me because I was 1. completely out of control of my schedule and my environment, and 2. I wasn’t necessarily using my personal talents, ie; doing what I felt comfortable doing.

I was just there. I was available. And that was enough.

Now to figure out how to translate this to my daily life. How do I learn to sit still and be available?