It seems odd because they're so much older than me (they're my parents!), but I feel so connected to my parents that I feel like I'm going through so many things together with them. For example:
*My mom and I went through/are going through menopause together (mind you, mine was surgically induced)
*Recently my right eye gets very bloodshot when I don't get enough sleep. It never used to do that, and mom's does the same thing (never used to).
*I feel my dad and I are on the same spiritual plane. He recently told me he felt ready to go "home" just like I felt yesterday (still feel). I remember thinking - I might feel like that some day. Well, some day is here sooner than I thought!
Here is the kicker: I got a mailing from...*drum roll, please*... AARP. Seriously. I just turned 39, for heaven's sake!
All in all, I could do a lot worse than turning out to be my parents. However, I just thought it would be several more years!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
My home
Well, it's been a little while since I've been on Facebook and I don't feel like I've missed a lot. I do miss connecting so easily with my friends who I don't see every day, those who live out of town especially, and I'll bet my friends with newborns are posting pictures that I'm missing! That aside, this has been a good thing for me.
I feel like the Lord really has my heart these days. I look forward to reading my daily bible devotionals that I get via email, especially Girlfriends in God. I hope this doesn't sound morbid, but I just want to go home. I know I'm young and have so much to live for, but I'm tired. I'm not giving up, I'm not depressed, I just know that heaven is such a better place. Honestly for the first time, I don't feel like I have so much left to do that I don't want to leave. I mean, of course I do, but there will always be more. I just feel like my heart is moving "home" and not in worldly things anymore. Nothing here is really such a big deal that it competes with being in Jesus' presence constantly, in His perfect peace.
I feel like the Lord really has my heart these days. I look forward to reading my daily bible devotionals that I get via email, especially Girlfriends in God. I hope this doesn't sound morbid, but I just want to go home. I know I'm young and have so much to live for, but I'm tired. I'm not giving up, I'm not depressed, I just know that heaven is such a better place. Honestly for the first time, I don't feel like I have so much left to do that I don't want to leave. I mean, of course I do, but there will always be more. I just feel like my heart is moving "home" and not in worldly things anymore. Nothing here is really such a big deal that it competes with being in Jesus' presence constantly, in His perfect peace.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Times of uncertainty- where God shines
It has been such a long time since I've blogged! I was never very regular about it, but I'm going to try. It certainly isn't as though I need one more thing, ha ha! I'm hoping this will be the start of a deeper dependence on God.
Finishing this year and looking forward to next school year is very stressful right now. I feel worn out and even heartbroken about the loss of a dear colleague (yet happy for her!) and the mistreatment of another. I have some difficult decisions to make for next year. I am not sure how I will be able to handle teaching 6 classes, especially with 36 IB kids when this year, having 24 is killing me off. I have help with Spanish Club and Sociedad Honoraria Hispanica (SHH) this year, but next year I will not. I currently get to school around 6am every day and almost never leave before 5 or 5:30, not to mention all the time on the weekend I spend working. What will next year be like? I'm starting to think my lack of energy since all this menopause business has less to do with hormones and more to do with my working myself to death. I feel like I owe it to my family to drop Spanish Club and SHH, but no one else will do them and the kids will pay the price. Yet the administration must know that even the most devoted teachers are capable of only so much and something has got to give.
Even as I write this, I feel petty and selfish in the wake of the terrible earthquake and tsunami in Japan, absolutely devastating. They are even expecting another, though the damages and losses are, well, devastating.
The passage that has been my mantra all day Friday and this weekend is Isaiah 40, especially verses 28-31, which I include here:
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
What an encouragement! He is so awesome, no one compares - yet He cares for us and lifts us up. Thank you, Father!
For lent (even though I'm not Catholic!), I gave up Facebook in an attempt to depend more on Jesus to fulfill me instead of other more superficial things.
To end on a lovely note, I was so encouraged to hear that Danielle has been dating a Christian who has brought her to Christ! I get all choked up just thinking about it. Praise God!
Finishing this year and looking forward to next school year is very stressful right now. I feel worn out and even heartbroken about the loss of a dear colleague (yet happy for her!) and the mistreatment of another. I have some difficult decisions to make for next year. I am not sure how I will be able to handle teaching 6 classes, especially with 36 IB kids when this year, having 24 is killing me off. I have help with Spanish Club and Sociedad Honoraria Hispanica (SHH) this year, but next year I will not. I currently get to school around 6am every day and almost never leave before 5 or 5:30, not to mention all the time on the weekend I spend working. What will next year be like? I'm starting to think my lack of energy since all this menopause business has less to do with hormones and more to do with my working myself to death. I feel like I owe it to my family to drop Spanish Club and SHH, but no one else will do them and the kids will pay the price. Yet the administration must know that even the most devoted teachers are capable of only so much and something has got to give.
Even as I write this, I feel petty and selfish in the wake of the terrible earthquake and tsunami in Japan, absolutely devastating. They are even expecting another, though the damages and losses are, well, devastating.
The passage that has been my mantra all day Friday and this weekend is Isaiah 40, especially verses 28-31, which I include here:
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
What an encouragement! He is so awesome, no one compares - yet He cares for us and lifts us up. Thank you, Father!
For lent (even though I'm not Catholic!), I gave up Facebook in an attempt to depend more on Jesus to fulfill me instead of other more superficial things.
To end on a lovely note, I was so encouraged to hear that Danielle has been dating a Christian who has brought her to Christ! I get all choked up just thinking about it. Praise God!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Here I am...
It's half an hour before I head in for the big test. I'm waiting in the student center at UNO, tempted to nap, uselessly trying to study more and get more crammed in my head, and praying. My studying has been interrupted by reading an amazing book I can't put down called The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. The author relates the changes in Holland during WWII and the Holocaust from inside a concentration camp. You would think it would be depressing and horrifying and it is. However, her intense faith and that of her sister especially bring such light into unthinkable misery. They are so brave, always thinking of others first, putting their safety above their own. Her sister's last words were something to the effect of "No hell is so deep that His love is not deeper. Tell them - they will listen to us because we have been there." Maybe it's knowing He is everywhere - in our every situation that gives me comfort. Maybe focusing on a terrifying situation like that and relying on God is getting my mind off my own troubles. Whatever the case, I trust He will give me strength and give me what I need.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Life is good
I have such a peace in my life right now, I just want to savor it. I feel the need to count my blessings right now - I mean there is so much I take for granted every day, like the love of my wonderful husband, daughter, parents, siblings, other family, church family, friends, a warm house, car, clothing, a job I love, great students, nature, not to mention a Savior who loves me so much I can't even comprehend and who is there for me every day when I fail or hurt. However, very recently, the following are great blessings to me I wish to thank God for and record so I don't forget.
1. I submitted my portfolio last Monday, so that's out of my hands. I only have my board exams to worry about, which I'll think about later. A year's worth of going crazy and working unimaginable hours, amazing lessons learned, the friendships forged, finding out who my real friends were, and now such a feeling of accomplishment and relief.
2. My daughter has gained a new joy from reading, which has transferred to me. She has always been a spectacular reader, but now she's discovered that she can travel to other places all by herself while reading. The other night, she and I sat together quietly each reading our own book. She finished a 100+ page book (no pictures) in a day! (she read after school some and at home) This has encouraged me to do the same - I'm usually working on school work or playing a game with her. I'm excited about the prospect of getting into reading again (I've read a novel in the past few days :)
3. During testing and after testing the past 2 days (no regular classes), I managed to plan until the end of the year for all my classes. I still have some worksheets, activities to create, but the plans are laid out. That is such a load off my mind - I always like to know where I'm going, to have a plan. Even though I am quite flexible, I feel like having goals in mind helps both me and my kids to achieve higher.
4. I feel physically better than I have in forever. I'm no longer tempted to overeat or by food my body is not calling for but that my emotions were. I have enjoyed exercising every day for the past 50 days (except once I just forced myself, when I was so tired but knew I wouldn't have time after school!). I have lost ~5 inches in my waist and as many in my hips, and 17 pounds. My clothes are getting very baggy and I'm getting into some I haven't worn for years. All of the exterior benefits are so exciting, but more importantly I no longer feel enslaved to my desires.
5. I have exerted my boundaries in several instances lately and didn't feel the guilt or temptation to change them or blame others for violating them. I'm learning to take responsibility FOR only what is mine and put my foot down when others try to unload on me. I haven't felt like a bad person or needed someone else to assure me I was right. I first read a Boundaries book for kids back when Hannah was born. I thought - wow! This is great for adults! - and got the regular Boundaries. I have read it a few times over the years and each time learn more. I don't know why it never occurred to me I could say no to people and still be loving and a Christian. I felt like sacrificing what I needed was the right thing to do, even though it left me less able to serve and sometimes feeling resentful and lacking in ability to be there for my family and in my spiritual life. I now realize it's not selfish, but what even Jesus needed - quiet time to be with His Father.
I list none of these wonderful things to brag - I feel so truly blessed right now. I serve such an amazing God who is with me through the good and the bad. There are a lot of sad things going on right now too quite close to me, such as those ill, hurting, grieving, struggling in other ways, stubborn and turning their faces from the Lord and those who love them, others overwhelmed by life's woes. But for now I just want to take the time to revel in all God has blessed me with and savor this moment.
1. I submitted my portfolio last Monday, so that's out of my hands. I only have my board exams to worry about, which I'll think about later. A year's worth of going crazy and working unimaginable hours, amazing lessons learned, the friendships forged, finding out who my real friends were, and now such a feeling of accomplishment and relief.
2. My daughter has gained a new joy from reading, which has transferred to me. She has always been a spectacular reader, but now she's discovered that she can travel to other places all by herself while reading. The other night, she and I sat together quietly each reading our own book. She finished a 100+ page book (no pictures) in a day! (she read after school some and at home) This has encouraged me to do the same - I'm usually working on school work or playing a game with her. I'm excited about the prospect of getting into reading again (I've read a novel in the past few days :)
3. During testing and after testing the past 2 days (no regular classes), I managed to plan until the end of the year for all my classes. I still have some worksheets, activities to create, but the plans are laid out. That is such a load off my mind - I always like to know where I'm going, to have a plan. Even though I am quite flexible, I feel like having goals in mind helps both me and my kids to achieve higher.
4. I feel physically better than I have in forever. I'm no longer tempted to overeat or by food my body is not calling for but that my emotions were. I have enjoyed exercising every day for the past 50 days (except once I just forced myself, when I was so tired but knew I wouldn't have time after school!). I have lost ~5 inches in my waist and as many in my hips, and 17 pounds. My clothes are getting very baggy and I'm getting into some I haven't worn for years. All of the exterior benefits are so exciting, but more importantly I no longer feel enslaved to my desires.
5. I have exerted my boundaries in several instances lately and didn't feel the guilt or temptation to change them or blame others for violating them. I'm learning to take responsibility FOR only what is mine and put my foot down when others try to unload on me. I haven't felt like a bad person or needed someone else to assure me I was right. I first read a Boundaries book for kids back when Hannah was born. I thought - wow! This is great for adults! - and got the regular Boundaries. I have read it a few times over the years and each time learn more. I don't know why it never occurred to me I could say no to people and still be loving and a Christian. I felt like sacrificing what I needed was the right thing to do, even though it left me less able to serve and sometimes feeling resentful and lacking in ability to be there for my family and in my spiritual life. I now realize it's not selfish, but what even Jesus needed - quiet time to be with His Father.
I list none of these wonderful things to brag - I feel so truly blessed right now. I serve such an amazing God who is with me through the good and the bad. There are a lot of sad things going on right now too quite close to me, such as those ill, hurting, grieving, struggling in other ways, stubborn and turning their faces from the Lord and those who love them, others overwhelmed by life's woes. But for now I just want to take the time to revel in all God has blessed me with and savor this moment.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Testing
Everything has been going pretty well - today was the 32nd day in a row I've worked out! I am still really watching what I eat too and have lost 10.5 lbs. Since I'm 1 month in, that leaves me 2 months for the other 20!
This is probably going to sound whiny, but I'm really frustrated right now and feel like I'm being tested. I figure when I have as far to go as I do right now, it shouldn't be so hard to lose weight! But, I've totally plateaued already - most of the weight was lost in the first 2 weeks or so. That being said, I have continued to lose inches in my waist and hips (the only 2 areas I measured). My clothes fit better. I just feel like when I am pushing myself as much as I am, it shouldn't be so hard to drop some pounds. This could be a good thing, though. I need to work out and eat what my body calls for (vs. what I emotionally want) NOT just to get results and be rewarded, but because it's what God calls me to do. He knows what's best for me. I'm going to stay away from the scale for a while and keep plugging!
This is probably going to sound whiny, but I'm really frustrated right now and feel like I'm being tested. I figure when I have as far to go as I do right now, it shouldn't be so hard to lose weight! But, I've totally plateaued already - most of the weight was lost in the first 2 weeks or so. That being said, I have continued to lose inches in my waist and hips (the only 2 areas I measured). My clothes fit better. I just feel like when I am pushing myself as much as I am, it shouldn't be so hard to drop some pounds. This could be a good thing, though. I need to work out and eat what my body calls for (vs. what I emotionally want) NOT just to get results and be rewarded, but because it's what God calls me to do. He knows what's best for me. I'm going to stay away from the scale for a while and keep plugging!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
n-lighten nebraska
Okay, so it's official. I've got a goal! Through work, Jeff and I as a team joined "n-lighten nebraska" which is an initiative to adopt a more healthy lifestyle. There are divisions for weight loss and increased activity - and we're doing both! It all just seemed to fall in my lap. I was more stressed out from National Boards and was just eating lots of junk, and someone at work brought it up to the group and I knew I was in.
So far (only 2 days in, I know) I've started exercising and really eating healthy and in moderation. My goal - lofty, I know - is to lose 30 lbs. The contest goes February 1st - May 1st, which isn't much time to lose so much, but I'm determined. This is a record of my commitment, mark my words!
So far (only 2 days in, I know) I've started exercising and really eating healthy and in moderation. My goal - lofty, I know - is to lose 30 lbs. The contest goes February 1st - May 1st, which isn't much time to lose so much, but I'm determined. This is a record of my commitment, mark my words!
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