These were my closing thoughts as I was sitting in the Puerto Plata airport, so I suppose it isn't exactly "post-DR" technically, but close enough :)
So, now what? With time perhaps it will be easier to be away from this new family of ours (in the DR). The good thing is practically everyone has Facebook and we can keep in touch that way. But if we come back in 2 years, for kids, this is an eternity. Yes, we're planning on continuing to pray for them, but nothing seems to compare with actually being there. I know it's early and I'm very moved by the loss I feel right now, but I feel a great desire to work there as a missionary. It would be a hard but simple life, so far away, so isolated, and I know my Jeff wouldn't be wild about it, and especially not Hannah, who I would have to homeschool. The "big" changes are undeniable, but there are also many small changes that would be hard to adjust to as well.
The other night, Jeff (missionary, not spouse), Renay and I were talking as the kids played cards and chatted. I knew that life as a missionary is not at all easy, but I had no idea that Jeff has been without water in his house for almost a week, for example, nor the other challenges they face, such as never having privacy or alone time, not having electricity or having it intermittently, no store nearby if you run out of things, not to mention being far away from family. (This is me weeks later: If I can add, having read Sarah Pierson's blog who is doing the world race, living in 11 different countries for 11 months, I realize we were in the lap of luxury there in the DR. It's informative, inspiring and amusing - check it out! http://sarahpierson.theworldrace.org/)
No, becoming a missionary is not for me, at least for now. I had always dreamed of doing something like that, but I think this would be very selfish on my part. I am not just a woman, I am a wife and mother, and those roles are equally valuable.
There are other ways that I have to reflect God's love and apply what He has taught me on this trip. I would like to be more part of the youth group, to be a part of their lives, to help them see that they can change the world and that there is nothing that can stop them except the limits they choose to accept. Jesus is "against the flow", a rebel, His influence is very much the opposite of the world's "logic." God will give them the strength, the desire and will make way for what He asks them to do.
I would like to serve more in Omaha with the teens and with other members of our church. I want the whole world to realize that Jesus Christ is THE LORD, that He is good, that He loves them and has a plan for them. I want to keep having "quiet time," without any distractions, to not be so "attached" to technology, that steals from me precious moments in which I could be interacting with people for real or growing in my relationship with the Lord. I'm going to sincerely try to make a profound change in my life, that is, allow God to keep changing me into His image. I'm a new person, I can't deny it, and I desire nothing more than to see to fruition the work that He began in me.
One more thing that may seem like no big deal, but it really is. I learned to throw a frisbee!!! I have never been able to since I was little, even though a million people have tried to teach me. Franklin and Morgan taught me. That just isn’t the kind of thing you just learn to do in your 40s. I mean, everyone who’s ever tried to teach me gave up, even I did. I was like a little kid, so excited that I wasn’t hopeless and could actually do it! I feel like God let me finally “get it” to show me that yes, these big changes in me are real and possible. No matter what age, I am capable of growing and changing. That small gift is one I won’t forget. I am not a lost cause, not too set in my ways to change. I can still learn and grow. And that is exactly what I'm going to do.
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