He was telling me about his relationship (or lack of one) with his mother. His last birthday, he went to McDonald's with his sister and watched a dumb movie while his mom went over to her bf's house because he was going out of town the next day. It was hard enough for Patrick to ask her to be there for him, but imagine how it felt when she turned him down, only so she could be with the man she was having an affair with. Ignoring her son on his birthday so she could be unfaithful to his father. That hurts, putting it mildly. The worst part about it is it's not even an isolated incident. Mom doesn't show affection, doesn't praise him for anything, only criticizes. He returns the favor by being negative, ignoring her on her birthday and pretending not to care.
I asked him if he tried telling her how he felt, but that didn't end well. I noted that regardless of whether she reciprocates or not, he should to at least try to reach out to her, because he obviously does care, whether he wants to or not.
And then out of my mouth came the "F" word. Forgiveness.
It was the farthest thing from my mind, feeling so angry and frustrated at his sad excuse for a mother, seeing this great kid torn apart, feeling unloved, like no one could ever love him because of her. Forgive her? Seriously? Where did that come from?
And I went on... telling him that he needed to forgive her, regardless of whether it resulted in an improvement in their relationship or made a difference to her. He needed to forgive her for himself because otherwise the pain and burden will always be on him. It is only by letting go and forgiving that he will be freed and be able to move on, grow, love.
He seemed skeptical yet intrigued. He may not be ready to forgive her, but I believe the idea is bouncing around in his head. I know he does not believe in God, but the concept of forgiveness, regardless of one's faith, is so powerful. Someone may have deeply hurt us, but unless we forgive them, they retain power over us. There is no way to focus on revenge or "justice" without harboring bitterness in our heart. Life is unfair, people will hurt us and others, but unless we forgive, they keep doing it, over and over, even after their actions have ceased and, chances are, they have long forgotten about it.
When we forgive someone, we are saying, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to carry this burden around with me anymore. This is yours to deal with now. What you did is on you, it no longer concerns me, I'm LETTING GO."
As Christians, we cannot just play the martyr and say, "I'm supposed to just forgive those who hurt me?" as though we were innocent. We have a sin problem. Each and every one of us. If that weren't the case, Jesus would not have needed to be mocked, beaten and murdered like He was, all to make us right with God - to SAVE us!
When He was beaten, mocked, scorned by the Romans and Jews, what did He do? What did He say? "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34. The thing is, I think they DID know what they were doing. At least they knew that they were murdering an innocent man. I believe He only meant they didn't realize they SCALE of what they were doing. They were crucifying the Son of God, God himself. The same could probably be said of those who hurt us the deepest. Do they know they are hurting us? But do they realize how deeply? Of course, it doesn't matter. We are to forgive them all the same.
As Christians, we have no other choice but to forgive. Here are just a few of the many bible verses that tell us to forgive.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-16
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37
Knowing we must do so doesn't make it any easier, unfortunately. However, what God asks us to do, He Himself will give us the strength to do. We don't have to "feel" forgiveness, we must simply obey and do it.
I leave you with the most powerful story of forgiveness that I know (after that of our Savior). It is that of Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian whose entire family was murdered by the Nazis because of their giving aid to Jews. It was a few years after WWII and she had just given a talk about Jesus' forgiveness, when she was approached by a man who was the meanest Nazi soldier in the camp where she and her sister were sent. He personally tortured her and her sister, who died there. How could she forgive him?? The story still brings tears to my eyes, no matter how many times I read it. Read and let it penetrate your heart: Corrie Ten Boom's story of forgiveness
No comments:
Post a Comment