You want to know what I was thinking? The answer probably won't surprise you...

This week an overly candid student  was telling me how his dad constantly bemoans why anyone would become a teacher. "No one would ever CHOOSE to be a teacher! No one would want to get up evey day and have to deal with a bunch of lazy kids who don't care." 

Instead of feeling angry or annoyed, it made me feel sad for him. I don't think even I realized what was about to be unleashed. I began:

Did you know that after quitting my job as a bilingual rep at Mutual of Omaha, going back to school, then starting my teaching career it was years before I caught up to my previous salary? I could interpret or translate and make much more money and work far less. In fact, looking back at last week, I put in close to 70 hours and neither my boss nor my students noticed. I wish I could say that was atypical. 

Yet I wouldn't have it any other way. My talent is Spanish and I love people- actually, I love teens! Seriously! They have the nerve to believe they can change the world, that things don't have to be the way they always have been. Their idealism is something hard to find in adults. They get excited about making a difference- about defending the weak, feeding the hungry, standing up for what they believe. Their tolerance for hypocrisy is zero. They want to know why, they crave meaning and to have a purpose. Me too. 

You spend the majority of your day all your life at your job. For what? Just to stay alive, maybe get a few toys. What else could I (personally) do that would be more fulfilling? I share my passion for the Spanish language and cultures daily, I equip kids and get them outside their comfort zones, open up new perspectives to them. 

Sometimes it falls on less than fertile ground. But you know what? Sometimes "those" kids are my favorite because they're the ones who change the most. They thought Spanish was boring, not for them, they'd never use it- and then they come back and tell me thank you, that I had planted a seed. Sometimes the ones who were the least motivated end up pursuing Spanish later on, and I remember that when I'm teaching them now. 

Teaching is exhausting, frustrating at times, and often misunderstood but at the end of the day, I know there is nothing I would do instead. I invest not in material things, but in the next generation.

His response, "Wow! I wish I would have recorded that so I could play it for my dad!" Me too, kid. Me too.

But how do I REALLY know God exists?

A few weeks ago I found myself defending God's existence a lot, sharing my faith with those in doubt - answering questions like, "how do you know God even exists?," "What if it's all a lie?" "You'll never really know which of us is right until we die anyway." Well, most of them were questions.

I testified of my Heavenly Father who cares personally for me, who has on a great number of occasions unmistakably made His presence known to me. I can't just point to one incident, there have been so many - He changed my mind about something, put a voice in my head, made things fall into place, acted or spoke through another person, created a natural phenomenon, gave me a dream or just filled my spirit or changed my heart. I believe in the Bible and that its consistency and accuracy are undeniable to the one who comes to seriously examine it with an open mind and heart. I always point to the scriptures; they contain my story too. They are how I know these experiences are from God.

I've known God my whole life. I grew up knowing He was there and cared for me. I've prayed to Him and known He was always watching me. Throughout life, I have continued to walk with Him.

Yet that night as I lie in my bed, a small doubt crept in my heart. How DO I know He's real, that He really cares for me? 

Even at the time, I was uncomfortable admitting doubt. I guess it's like how we need to hear "I love you" from those we care for most more than just once. It feels good to hear it, it's reassuring, it fills us.

I prayed, "Lord, would you give me a sign?" I was just feeling empty, wanting to really know He was there and loved me. I added, "I don't need it, I know You're there, but it would be nice."

I felt a little more peaceful and remained awake, but not really thinking about it anymore. Then I realized there was a hand on my head, slightly caressing my hair, but mostly just warm and gently resting there. I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling grateful for the comfort of the loving touch. The hand lifted and I rolled over, expecting to see Jeff's outstretched arm, but there were his feet! His arms were above his head under his pillow as he lie there asleep.

I should mention our ceiling fan is above the foot of the bed and I'm always hot, so I usually sleep with my head at that end and Jeff's feet get hot, so he is the opposite.

As the realization kicked in that God Himself had given me this sweet gesture of His love, I was overcome with joy and gratitude. Did I need that? I mean, would I have honestly doubted Him or His love for me? Of course not, but that is the kind of Heavenly Father I have. As though giving His Son for my eternal salvation weren't enough, He showers love down on this imperfect, weak child of His, never accusing but just loving me. I can't comprehend it, but I am grateful.

I dare you to do the same. I don't mean put Him to the test like a magic trick, but just really trust Him, love Him, reach out to Him. Don't be surprised that He's there. Don't be shocked when He fills your life with His presence or does something precious just to show you He loves you. Just you wait and see how beautiful life can be with the One who loves you deeply and perfectly!

"Taste and see that the Lord is good, 
blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him."
                                                -Psalm 34:8