You want to know what I was thinking? The answer probably won't surprise you...

This week an overly candid student  was telling me how his dad constantly bemoans why anyone would become a teacher. "No one would ever CHOOSE to be a teacher! No one would want to get up evey day and have to deal with a bunch of lazy kids who don't care." 

Instead of feeling angry or annoyed, it made me feel sad for him. I don't think even I realized what was about to be unleashed. I began:

Did you know that after quitting my job as a bilingual rep at Mutual of Omaha, going back to school, then starting my teaching career it was years before I caught up to my previous salary? I could interpret or translate and make much more money and work far less. In fact, looking back at last week, I put in close to 70 hours and neither my boss nor my students noticed. I wish I could say that was atypical. 

Yet I wouldn't have it any other way. My talent is Spanish and I love people- actually, I love teens! Seriously! They have the nerve to believe they can change the world, that things don't have to be the way they always have been. Their idealism is something hard to find in adults. They get excited about making a difference- about defending the weak, feeding the hungry, standing up for what they believe. Their tolerance for hypocrisy is zero. They want to know why, they crave meaning and to have a purpose. Me too. 

You spend the majority of your day all your life at your job. For what? Just to stay alive, maybe get a few toys. What else could I (personally) do that would be more fulfilling? I share my passion for the Spanish language and cultures daily, I equip kids and get them outside their comfort zones, open up new perspectives to them. 

Sometimes it falls on less than fertile ground. But you know what? Sometimes "those" kids are my favorite because they're the ones who change the most. They thought Spanish was boring, not for them, they'd never use it- and then they come back and tell me thank you, that I had planted a seed. Sometimes the ones who were the least motivated end up pursuing Spanish later on, and I remember that when I'm teaching them now. 

Teaching is exhausting, frustrating at times, and often misunderstood but at the end of the day, I know there is nothing I would do instead. I invest not in material things, but in the next generation.

His response, "Wow! I wish I would have recorded that so I could play it for my dad!" Me too, kid. Me too.

But how do I REALLY know God exists?

A few weeks ago I found myself defending God's existence a lot, sharing my faith with those in doubt - answering questions like, "how do you know God even exists?," "What if it's all a lie?" "You'll never really know which of us is right until we die anyway." Well, most of them were questions.

I testified of my Heavenly Father who cares personally for me, who has on a great number of occasions unmistakably made His presence known to me. I can't just point to one incident, there have been so many - He changed my mind about something, put a voice in my head, made things fall into place, acted or spoke through another person, created a natural phenomenon, gave me a dream or just filled my spirit or changed my heart. I believe in the Bible and that its consistency and accuracy are undeniable to the one who comes to seriously examine it with an open mind and heart. I always point to the scriptures; they contain my story too. They are how I know these experiences are from God.

I've known God my whole life. I grew up knowing He was there and cared for me. I've prayed to Him and known He was always watching me. Throughout life, I have continued to walk with Him.

Yet that night as I lie in my bed, a small doubt crept in my heart. How DO I know He's real, that He really cares for me? 

Even at the time, I was uncomfortable admitting doubt. I guess it's like how we need to hear "I love you" from those we care for most more than just once. It feels good to hear it, it's reassuring, it fills us.

I prayed, "Lord, would you give me a sign?" I was just feeling empty, wanting to really know He was there and loved me. I added, "I don't need it, I know You're there, but it would be nice."

I felt a little more peaceful and remained awake, but not really thinking about it anymore. Then I realized there was a hand on my head, slightly caressing my hair, but mostly just warm and gently resting there. I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling grateful for the comfort of the loving touch. The hand lifted and I rolled over, expecting to see Jeff's outstretched arm, but there were his feet! His arms were above his head under his pillow as he lie there asleep.

I should mention our ceiling fan is above the foot of the bed and I'm always hot, so I usually sleep with my head at that end and Jeff's feet get hot, so he is the opposite.

As the realization kicked in that God Himself had given me this sweet gesture of His love, I was overcome with joy and gratitude. Did I need that? I mean, would I have honestly doubted Him or His love for me? Of course not, but that is the kind of Heavenly Father I have. As though giving His Son for my eternal salvation weren't enough, He showers love down on this imperfect, weak child of His, never accusing but just loving me. I can't comprehend it, but I am grateful.

I dare you to do the same. I don't mean put Him to the test like a magic trick, but just really trust Him, love Him, reach out to Him. Don't be surprised that He's there. Don't be shocked when He fills your life with His presence or does something precious just to show you He loves you. Just you wait and see how beautiful life can be with the One who loves you deeply and perfectly!

"Taste and see that the Lord is good, 
blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him."
                                                -Psalm 34:8

Days 8-9: Heading home

Tuesday, June 16- Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Devo
Last night we were too busy packing and didn't have time to have a devotional, so we had that this morning instead of quiet time. We have sung Someday so many times in an attempt to "get it right." I love it each time and am musically dense enough to think it sounds just perfect every single time. I kept forgetting to have my camera ready because I wanted to record it to have forever, but I finally remembered! It's a little awkward being recorded during devo or worship, but I couldn't help it. Also that big pole in the way :\

Watch it here. (sorry, the sound sort of cuts out at the end)

We would miss so many things...

the hammocks

the walk to the Children's Home

...but mostly we would miss the people...

Carlos (riding on the back of the Daihatsu)

the teens

the kids at the Children's Home

We would miss all the staff  at Manna- the missionaries, the interns, Carmen and her daughter (the cooks), Darlin the driver, Jorge the night watchman.

We would even miss Pequeñito the dog

One last photo in front of the Daihatsu

It is hard to say goodbye, but we must.

Dani waved goodbye until we were out of sight. I'll just say it again: it was hard to say goodbye.

We had about an hour to shop in Cabarete, where we got a few trinkets and had some amazing pizza near the beach. There was free wi-fi, so many charged their phones and reconnected with the outside world a bit. Then, we said our final goodbyes to the interns and headed to the airport.

At the airport in Puerto Plata we were again reminded of what a small world it is. I noticed a man wearing an Iowa Hawkeyes shirt in front of us at the ticket counter! Then a while later (with a group of 23, it takes a while to check the baggage and check in with passports), someone noticed a wallet. I opened it and saw it was a man from Iowa. I left the wallet there in case he came back to look for it and ran to look for him. There were tons of people, but everyone had to fill out paperwork before going through security and I found him at one of the tables! Had I not noticed his shirt, I never would have found him. And his ID, credit cards, everything were in it!

Our group passed through security uneventfully and after buying a huge bottle of water, we boarded our plane. Once we were in Miami, it was different going through customs. We had to use a machine that took a picture of us and printed out the horrid thing for us to take somewhere else. It was supposed to streamline things, but it really was more work on everyone's part. Despite a little drama with the Derengowskis getting separated (you're supposed to go through customs as a family), everyone made it through okay.

I wouldn't want to run into this person in a dark alley! Oh wait, it's me... I'm not exaggerating when I say I gasped and jumped back when it popped up on the screen after taking it. Believe it or not, on the screen it was EVEN SCARIER.

We all did our own thing for dinner and the Whitbecks, Goldie, Morgan and ReNay went to Chili's. It was close to the hotel (inside the airport), the perfect atmosphere, the service was great, and the food was amazing! I'm so glad we got to end our trip with this bunch- what a riot!

Goldie shared this ridiculousness with all of us - wow!

Both groups got in Omaha about the same time and it was good to see everyone's families and the emotional reunions. We would head home and have our own with Hannah ASAP! :)

Day 7: Prayer mountain, beach day

Monday, June 15, 2015
Quiet Time
I read John 9 today. It was just too big of a coincidence, I couldn't wait! See my previous entry.

Prayer Mountain
I was really looking forward to this because it was such a moving experience last time. It was different this year in that there wasn't as much structure for us. Some groups prayed aloud, some silently, some split up and prayed individually afterwards. My group sat in a circle and prayed popcorn style. It's really hard to put to words how much this experience meant to me, to each of us. Even now I can't put it into words. We experienced so much in the last week and the power of prayer, especially corporate prayer, is so intense.

Southwest mission team on Prayer Mountain

Getting instructions, getting ready to pray

team D praying (ok, we were posing there!)

...and a selfie of the photographer!

Beach Day

We had lunch at el Centro Cristiano in Rio San Juan, which was awesome because my sunglasses were still there! Perfect for beach day! We had sandwiches and Norm shared some more thoughts with us about our circle of influence. Soon it was time to head to Playa Grande!

El Centro Cristiano Manna in Rio San Juan

Not everyone had gotten to see Cafe 25 next door or this room where I taught during VBS

Soon we would have chairs set up here for lunch!

Right when we got to the beach, we had a lovely surprise! Spencer was ready to be baptized! We were all very excited about it and his dad Brent was even there to do the job. He shared some thoughts and Spencer gave his confession before we went to the water so we could all hear, then we all headed to the ocean! What a great way to start!

Video of Spencer's confession of faith
Video of Spencer's baptism
Video of hugs afterwards

We all enjoyed the lovely cool water and could hardly stand to get out. Despite loading on the sunblock and being in the water the whole time, I even got burnt on my legs! Caleb rented a boogie board and was generous enough to let anyone else who wanted to try it give it a shot (No, I didn't!). Lauren had her go pro and got some fun underwater shots. A number of the girls got some braids on the beach - $1 a braid, not bad!

When it was almost time to go, we had another new brother and sister in Christ! Garrett and Trisha came forth to be baptized! Jim baptized both of them and we were all filled with joy for them both.

Video of Garrett and Trisha's confession of faith and baptism
Video of Trisha's baptism and afterwards from a different angle (Jeff was gone and had the camera so I only got the tail end on video!

We brought shampoo and reveled in the showers that had both hot water and tons of pressure. Antics were a plenty. Being deprived of water pressure for a week will do that to a girl - 4 of us even got in at once!

After dinner and chores were done, we spent the rest of the night packing. All in all, it was a great day!

Day 6: Worship

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Worship

Setup for worship before everyone got there

I'm just in awe and amazement of how wonderfully things went. I felt and saw the Spirit moving all around. We sang a number of songs in Spanish from the hymnals, almost all of which were songs in English as well, so it was easier for us all to worship together.

Logan did the Lord's Supper and shared as an example when the kids at the Gri Gri Lagoon on the scavenger hunt in Rio San Juan cleaned his shoes with a toothbrush. He made the analogy between that humility that Jesus exhibited with His disciples when He washed their feet - it was just before He was crucified and such a powerful way to show His sincere love for them. It was so beautiful I stopped him and translated it so those who didn't understand English very well wouldn't miss it.

During the Lord's supper, Angel and Fernando, two of the Dominican boys who are graduating, played "Eres maravilloso, Jesus" (you are wonderful, Jesus) on their guitars and sang. Listening to it back just doesn't do it justice, it was so beautiful. I was completely moved to tears at their expression of faith and our common love for Jesus. Watch it here.

Afterwards, Kailey read the scripture, 1 Corinthians 13:12-
"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

This was the culmination of about 2 weeks of getting to witness the Holy Spirit working on my heart and working out His will. I wrote a lesson that came to me while preparing for VBS from Acts 16. Without getting into tremendous detail, I initially felt the push to share it. At times it seemed like maybe it wasn't meant to be. I can honestly say I was okay either way, which is so weird.

TIMEOUT: Let me stop and remind you (if you didn't already know) a few things about myself. I'm a control freak in so many ways - well, at least a type A personality. I'm constantly trying to make plans and solidify what happens so I can be mentally ready and have things organized. Also as much as I would like to pretend it's not true, I'm very concerned with what others think of me and that concern turns into nerves when I'm afraid of looking stupid. My mind goes blank, my throat gets dry, I shake - if you share a phobia for public speaking, you know exactly what it's like. I still can't believe I became a teacher because when I get in front of people, that's what happens.

So regarding the control freak side, I was simply not myself through all of this. Admittedly, at every turn I was almost relieved it looked like I may not speak, but I just listened for His will and let Him lead me- not pushing to share, yet not being afraid of obeying the call. Yet I literally didn't even think about it or let it weigh on me, I just trusted that if the Spirit gave me a message to share, that someone needed to hear, then He would bring it to them. If He wanted me to share it, He would enable and empower me to do it, and if not, then that was okay with me. So much for the control freak.

The moment had come and instead of being nervous, I just thought there must be someone there who needed this message, one the Holy Spirit had entrusted me to deliver, so I did. I wasn't nervous at all because I didn't worry about looking stupid- I didn't care. It wasn't about me. My mind was clear and I spoke with clarity and authority. I can think of times throughout my life where God has empowered me, but this time went a step beyond. I didn't feel the nerves even try to take over beforehand, I just focused on God and that if He intended for this message to be shared, He was going to make it happen. Honestly, thinking about it NOW makes me nervous, so much so I almost didn't write this blog. I'm being serious; I wish I weren't so ridiculous, but then God's strength wouldn't be so powerfully displayed in my life. To God be the glory! So much for the nerves.

Then Jim spoke and the message God put on his heart complemented what I shared so perfectly, and went with the verse Kailey read. At first it was a little difficult for him to get used to pausing for me to translate, then he got more comfortable and it went smoothly. Once I had to ask him to repeat: he talked about the disciples on the road to Emmaus and my mind immediately went through the whole story. I wanted to make sure I didn't translate more than he had shared! I loved interpreting for him - he's such an inspired speaker and it was fun to share what he said in Spanish. I did play with him a bit because he said in English something about not knowing Spanish so he'd be speaking in English with an interpreter. I told everyone he said he could do it in Spanish but just wanted to see if I could interpret for him. They laughed, which of course confused him! I let him in on the joke later :)

some volleyball after services 

Glen and a few visitors who are temporarily working at the Christian Center in Rio San Juan

Sandy and Ryan

Getting ready to pray before lunch

I got to see Luisauny again after services, just briefly, but would get to see her that night at movie night.

Children's Home
This afternoon we went to the Children's Home and played with the kids. Many played knockout on the basketball court. It was pretty hot though, so a number of us played with the kids indoors and under the shelter by the basketball court, playing board games and painting fingernails- even the guys!

Playing connect four...or just putting chips in!

Morgan and her good buddy Yasmeri. She taught her to say "You crazy!" 

Knockout

Even the Dominican kids were overheating (sitting on the wall)

Porfi and me

Kailey was a natural with these girls - her Spanish is really good and she was helping them with their English too!

Jeff was lifting Chochi up with her just holding 2 of his fingers. I didn't get a good picture, but he got her several feet off the ground!

Nice nails, Garrett! Brought to you by Enyer :)

We also had a tour of some of the play rooms and where children are observed before being placed there, as well as where they receive therapy, just in case we forgot so many of these kids have dark, sad pasts from which they need healing. They seem so happy and normal, which masks their underlying brokenness, yet also is evidence of the healing that has already taken place here.

Hey look, it's the Giving Tree!

Movie Night

Tonight we hustled to get dinner, chores done and the pad all set up for movie night. The movie was Ant Bully. One cute little girl was giving Lauren, one of the interns, a hard time and she wouldn't sit down with the other kids because she wanted popcorn. I took her to sit down and she behaved a short while. They brought red kool-aid which she joyfully grabbed and began to sip. 5 seconds later, Meredith came with the popcorn and started to ask me (since she was so young) if she could have some and in that split second before either of us could react, she lunged for the popcorn, tossing her entire cup of red kool-aid all over the both of us. I went to the dorm to change and when I came back didn't find a place to sit, which was fine. I wasn't really in the mood for the movie anyway.

I headed down to Hope's house, as we had talked about me coming to visit her today some time and I hadn't had a chance yet. Ali saw I was going and came too. Hope wasn't home, so we just sat on the relatively cool cement porch and chatted. The more I get to know Ali and Clayton both (he's in my little group, team D!), the more I want to hang out with them. They are so hilarious and just sweethearts!

Hope got home shortly after and invited us in, giving us "the tour." Her house is really nice, which she shares with another missionary who isn't here right now. Ali headed back and Hope and I caught up a while, which was so nice. Then, Luisauny came and found me there- I hadn't seen her at the movie!! I'm glad she came to say goodbye, but wished I had seen her earlier :(

Later on, we played pitch with Ali, Jeff and Brent. Why didn't anyone ever think to teach the guy with the PhD in math how to play sooner? He was a natural!